I Want To Meet a Nice Guy



Whenever I meet new men, the most common question that they ask me is, "What are you looking for?"

After seven years of singleness, I can honestly answer this question with sincerity.

I want to meet a nice man. 

In 2009, when I was newly separated, if you had asked me that very question, I would have provided you a long lists physical traits and character qualities I wanted to find in a man.

Educated
Faithful
Loves kids
Tall
Funny
Ambitious
Good job
Chemistry
Compatible 
Buys Me Flowers
Writes Love Letters
Good provider 
Friendly
Thoughtful
Masculine
Athletic
Sweet
Sensitive
Caring
World Traveler
Sexy ...

Blah, blah, blah and the list went on and on.

75 bullet points if anyone is counting. 

In hindsight, I was being overly picky and probably passed over some perfectly good men because of this ideal fantasy boyfriend in my head.

Dating has taught me that sometimes both men and women do themselves a huge disservice with unrealistic expectations.

After all, we are dealing with humans, not ordering a Dominoes pizza. Just enjoy the fact that it is awesome pizza and not turn up our noses because we don't like every single topping.

You aren't perfect, so why do you expect it in another person. It's neither realistic and you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

However, overtime I began to remove items that no longer were essential and revisited ones that needed fine tuning.  

Basically, I whittled down my Love List to what were my deal breakers and deal makers. 

I'm not saying that I'm not selective, because I believe you have to have your standards, but encourage you to really consider what should matter most when finding a partner to share your life with.

At the end of the day I want to find a nice man who is intelligent, generous with his love and is a thoughtful human being who is excited to share life with me.

But, we have to have chemistry, earth shattering mental and physical chemistry.

Now that's the kicker and so damn hard to find. 

We've all dated the nice guy or nice girl, but something was missing and there simply is no spark.

We've also dated the nice guys or nice guys who weren't all that nice people, but wanted to carry that title. 

I'm not alone in this search. 

I know for a fact that I'm a good woman and it's about damn time I find a good man.

So, until I discover these traits in another person, I'm gladly willing to continue living my life. 

Maybe I'll meet him one day. Maybe I won't. 

F*ck who knows, but at least I could finally honestly answer the question, "What are you looking for?"












  

Love, Relationships & Sex




Just last week, I had connected with another fellow writer on Elephant Journal, after reading one of her pieces about her life as a single woman after post long term relationship. Not only was it powerful, but it resonated with my own life experiences so much that I felt compelled to write her personally. 

It turns out, she also lives on the same Hawaiian island that I live on. How could I not reach out to her? 

Everything she had written was everything that I had been feeling. 

Over the four years I have been blogging, hundreds of strangers have sent me emails after reading something I had shared about my life on the internet. Now it was my turn. 

After I introduced myself, my new Facebook friend quickly researched my published articles and soon discovered we had a great deal more in common.

She asked me, "OH my gosh. Please tell me you're free tonight?!?!" 

Apparently, that evening she had planned a round table for a group of 14 single men and women, in Honolulu, to share an honest dialogue on the topics of love, relationships and sex. 

I felt so honored that she wanted me to share my own story with the group. 

Unfortunately, I had already made plans and wasn't available that evening, but I most certainly be attending the next singles gathering of great minds.  Who knows, maybe I will create my own groups in my community to get the discussion going. 

If you hadn't already guessed it, I am passionate about discussing and writing about my own experiences with love, relationships and sex. 

Some friends have teased me, calling me the Carrie Bradshaw of the Hawaiian islands, as I share my insights on this crazy thing we call love. 

People ALWAYS write to me for love, relationship or sex advice. In fact, according to my analytic data on my blog, my most popular articles have to deal with either love, relationships or sex.

Although, I am not always the best at following my own advice, I'll admit that I am pretty good at giving advice.

Lately, I have been struggling with writer's block and have been unsure of what direction I want to take my blog in the next year. Many times I wonder if I had stopped writing, would anyone even notice?

At one point, I had considered leaving blogging behind me, as it is very time consuming. However, that all changes when I receive a lovely email or private message from a reader, who expressed gratitude for me sharing a piece of my world which in turn expanded theirs. 


I'm always surprised when friends, both male and female, share with me what they have gained after reading one of my pieces.

Not too long ago, I wrote a blog post about sexual compatibility and encouraged couples to take an online test to discover each other's hidden sexual fantasies.

I was shocked to find out how many girlfriends of mine actually took the test with their boyfriend or husband to enhance their sex lives and open the communication lines of intimacy.

Even more crazy, some men I have dated in the past, admit to STILL reading my blog because they feel it has allowed them to understand women better.

Hell, even the guy at CrossFit I had a mad crush on, admitted to me that he had been stalking my blog for a long time.

"You're my dating guru," he confessed. Little did he know, I had been crushing on and lusting after him for over a year.

Even a few of my exes current partners follow my blog, which totally blows my mind. Isn't that interesting?

Love makes no sense to me. Perhaps, I write about it so much in order to try to understand it better.

I'll continue to say what most people feel, but not feel afraid sharing it with the world. What do I have to lose?

I am really excited about this new chapter of writing about what I love most, which is all about LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS and SEX. I hope you will join me for the discussion.

If you are reading this and having a dying question about love, relationships or sex, connect with me now by emailing me at sweetcicilyhi@gmail.com or on my blog Facebook page at Sweet Cicily.


Looking forward to connecting with you now!


Love,

Sweet Cicily























Currently ...





Currently I'm...

Reading...  Nothing. I've haven't had the time to sit down to read anything besides work emails, lesson plans or texts about work. I forgot when was the last time I sat down to enjoy a good book!?? Seriously, I started Gone Girl or Girl Gone and Cloud Atlas like two dang years ago and I'm not even a third way through.

Note to self: work less and lock yourself in the house until I've finished either one of these books! Is books on tape cheating? HMMMMM....


Playing... Pin Up Model over the weekend at my CrossFit box with all my girlfriends. Keep your eyes out for my next blog post about my latest adventure in photography!

Watching... NETFLIX Who even watches regular television anymore? Streaming is where it is at. By the way, Chelsea Handler's NETFLIX documentary series is absolutely hilarious and wonderful.

Trying... To be more open with my heart and mind.


Cooking ... Nothing. I haven't meal prepped in weeks. I need to break out the Tupperware, kale and chicken breasts.

Eating... Snickers ...God, I love Snickers!

Drinking... Not enough H2O. I've got to work on better hydrating myself!


Calling... People out on their bullsh*t.  It's refreshing to be honest and having a higher standard for myself. Why did I wait so long to do this? Mind you, I am never mean, but I am at a point where I mean what I say and I am very to the point. Even a man recently told me, no one ever called him out and he really appreciated it.

Last Text Sent.. Talking story with one of my old CrossFit girlfriends.

Pinning... Pin Up ideas for my most recent photo shoot.

Tweeting... Nada. I always forget I have a Twitter account. My BlogLovin automatically tweets my blogposts.

Crafting... A new dream board? Does that even count as crafting?

Doing... The Single Mom thang and ready for some ME time. Soon. Very soon.

Going... To an amazing Valentine's Day event for single women at a wine tasting and painting party!!!

Loving... Cicily. We should all be able to say we love ourselves unconditionally.

Hating... Donald Trump. Seriously. People are actually voting for this racist and sexist man? I don't get it.

Discovering...A variety of podcasts on iTunes, varying from SERIAL to TEDTALKS to a sex positive podcast titled Guys we F*cked. All three very fascinating and informative.


Enjoying... Being completely single and not taking it for granted.

Thinking...That I need to really get serious about working out again more. Over the last month, I have been overwhelmed with work and finding a healthy balance in my life. I have actually turned down several babysitting jobs, so I can just enjoy the sweetness of doing nothing.

Feeling... A teeny bit anxious because I have so much going on in my head with all my responsibilities. I am tired of adulting. Anyone else feel the same way?

Hoping (for)... more $$$

Listening (to)...Silence. I just need a little peace in quiet today.

Celebrating ... My 39th birthday later this month! I cannot believe I am almost 40. Where did the time go?

Smelling... Therapeutic grade oils. I was recently babysitting for a family visiting from the mainland and the mother introduced me to a more holistic way of life.

Thanking... All of my readers for taking time out of their days to peek into my little world on the blog.

Considering... Expanding my horizons and taking on new challenges in this new year.

Finishing... A boatload of paperwork on my desk. I won't lie. I am super stressed out right now.

Starting... To practice better self care and forgiveness with myself. I realize I am incredibly hard on myself and never give myself enough credit for what I have accomplished over the past year, week or even day.

Every night, before I go to sleep, I am reminding myself of what good I did with my day and forgiving myself for areas I need work on.

Love You,

Sweet Cicily

CrossFit Women Are Amazing


I belong to a league of extraordinary women. 

We make up the sisterhood of CrossFitters. Whether we are WODing in a box in Hawaii or Paris, we share a common unbreakable bond, that is solidified through blood, sweat and tears.

Strong. Supportive. Determined. Bad Ass. 

In a world filled with Disney Princesses and Kardashians, CrossFit women are the Katniss Everdeens and Star Wars' Reys. 

Statistically, women make up 50% of all CrossFit participants and it is very apparent when you walk into any box across the nation, our numbers are growing strong.

Over the past weekend, I had spent several hours with my girlfriends from CrossFit Kailua, holding our very own first Pin Up/Fitness photo shoot. 

It was one of the most incredible life experiences I've ever had and I highly encourage other women in the CrossFit to have a day of pampering and photography at their individual boxes. Not only is it a great community building event, but it empowers women to embrace their beauty and strength. 


You've worked so hard all year long, why not capture this moment forever in a beautiful photograph?

Unfortunately, there are people who have this misconception that CrossFit makes you bulky and will make you look like a man. In reality, it is far from the truth and I wanted to share this message with the world. 

If there were ever any words that could capture this moment, it would have to be GIRL POWER.

I loved being surrounded by such a diverse group of women who embody the definitions of beautiful and strong.

We all come in different ages, shapes, size, backgrounds and athletic abilities, but we all share the same passion for the love of CrossFit. 

Surrounding yourself with inspiring, motivated and powerful people is the secret to success.

Show me your friends and I'll show you your future.

In that case, I'm in excellent company, as each of the twelve women, including our team of stylists and photographer, are some of the most phenomenal women I know.

One of the stylist had noted that she had never seen such a strong women supporting each other and was compelled to give CrossFit out herself. 

As I watched each woman's essence being captured by the camera, I couldn't help but be mesmerized by their individual beauty, both inside and outside.

We are all so very unique and that's the beauty of CrossFitting because our differences are what makes us beautiful. 

In the three years that I have been CrossFitting, I have never heard another woman criticize another woman's body or put anyone down. 

In fact, we are continuously lifting each other up, with either praise or unconditional support. No one is pointing out "flaws", but rather providing continuous praise. 

Girl, you have a great butt! 

I wish I had your shoulders. 

Damn. You killed it with that muscle up last night.  

CrossFit women are redefining what society in the past has deemed as beautiful. We are taking our power back.

Strong is sexy! Muscles are beautiful! Gains are gorgeous!

I love all these women, as I've gained such valuable lessons from each of them during my journey into CrossFit.

We laugh together. We carry each other's secrets. We drop everything to be there for one another. We literally hold each other up, reassuring one another that "I've got you".

I've never had the experience of a sorority during my university days, but I can imagine this solid bond we feel is as close as I'll ever get to it.

These are my sisters who I will cherish always. We are the women of CrossFit... We are beauty in strength.




Love,

Sweet Cicily

























(Unedited photos from Babycakes Photography. Photos are taken with iPhone of the digital camera's screen view)











What If I Just Told Him My Feelings?


“Sometimes, reaching out and taking someone's hand is the beginning of a journey."

Confession. One of my guiltiest pleasures is perusing my local Craiglist's Missed Connections in the personals section. 

Despite being incredibly realistic, there still lives in me a hopeless romantic. 

Who knew romantic gems could be found in an online classifieds website, between buying used cars and sketchy advertisements for hookers in Waikiki? 
It's like finding a little bit of love in a hopeless place.  

Several years ago, I dated a man who introduced me to the Missed Connections section of the classifieds. Aside from a few creepy messages, a majority of the missed connection posts are incredibly sweet. 
What's more romantic than an unrequited "love" for a stranger?  
Basically, a person posts a missed encounter on Craigslist, in hopes of connecting with the one who got away. 

Has a stranger ever caught your eye, but you were too afraid to approach them? Have you ever noticed someone checking you out, but nothing ever happened? 


If you love romantic confessions, then you will enjoy all these sweet declarations of love from complete strangers. 

Granted, not all the missed connections are romantic, in fact some are borderline creepy. However, the funny stories and the romantic stories are worth the time to read.  

Here are just a few I discovered in today's missed connections in my town. I'd encourage you to do the same in your own city. It might bring a smile to your face too. 

Maybe it can inspire the next Hollywood romantic comedy? 

"Over the last few week every time I go to the 7 day store I always run it to you, no matter which one I go to. I'm the one that always has to take the opportunity to say hi, so I can see your beautful smile. I know it a long shot that you will ever see this. But I just wanted to the time to say think you for being you, and making my day that much better."

"You were the woman in downtown longs on Wednesday, the 22nd, at 6:15 in the morning. You were dressed so stylishly I commented at that. I was in a rush as I had to cook breakfast for my office staff for pro administration assistant day. 

 

It would have been nice to meet a new friend and have a conversation over coffee. I doubt you'll see this, but you never know."


"Today while at whole foods in Kailua, I saw the most beautiful woman, she was in a dark red dress that caught my eye and barefoot. Those eyes, and that smile oh that smile. She smiled at me twice and I only wish I had done more than smile back. It was around five and I was on a schedule or I would have gone back in to tell her just how beautiful she truly is. I can only hope she reads this to know." 

I don't know why I love it so much. Maybe it reminds me that we should be more courageous with our hearts and take a chance on love. 

Far too many people fear rejection and prevents them from making real connections in the world. 

Imagine all the possibilities, if we let go of fear and take more risks. 

What if I just said hello? 

What if I just asked her out for coffee?

What if I just told her my feelings?

Whether you realize it or not, there is someone out there, RIGHT NOW,  much like the people in these missed connections, that are in absolute awe of your beauty. 

You may be getting groceries and there is someone admiring you from a distance, thinking you are absolutely gorgeous, but you will never know this because they are just too chicken sh*t to say it. 

It has happened in my own life. 

When I first began CrossFitting, I developed a HUGE crush on one of the men at my box. I don't know what it was about him, but always left me speechless and with butterflies in my stomach. 

Being so shy around him, I rarely ever spoke to him, despite his attempts to always be near me. 

Fast forward a year later, guess who confessed to me that they had a HUGE crush on me too?! 

"You are bewitching and I am infatuated with you," said Mr. CrossFit. 

Damn. Why didn't he tell me earlier? Why didn't I tell him how I had felt?

If we hadn't both been too afraid to tell the other person, who knows what could have happened?  


See. You never know who is watching you or might be head over heels in love with you. You just have to take a chance at love before you miss your connection. 



Love Yourselves,

Sweet Cicily

F*ck This


Late night ramblings. Bottled up thoughts spilling over into blinking letters on a white screen. 

Tonight, I want to say what many are feeling, but fear they'll look bitter if they admit it openly.

I haven't had a filter in years and according to several readers, is a part of my charm and has many coming back for more. 

"You don't care what other people think and your words come from your heart."

I won't argue that. I'm like the little old lady, who doesn't give a damn and speaks exactly what's on her mind. 

The above meme sums up my sentiments perfectly. 

Can you relate? There's no need for a long inner monologue to describe my feelings about the state of my romantic life right now. 

One day I woke up and thought to myself, "F*ck this sh*t", forgot about Prince Charming and I rode off into the sunset in Hawaii with my own Happily Ever After.

I am so over dating. I am so over guys. I just don't have the inclination or energy for this in my life. 

It's neither loneliness or bitterness coloring my opinion, but a full realization that I am in a good place in my life.

Being single is underrated and I'm finally appreciating that maybe I am the lucky one after all.

I don't know if it's just dating on an island, but people are looney tunes out here.

My dating stories are a combination of laughable and incredibly strange. 

Nope. This ain't for me. 

I'm incredibly proud of myself, that I've learned self reliance, created healthy boundaries, discovered unconditional self love and given myself time to heal past wounds and made room for my soul to grow.

Many people ask me why I am still single. 

It's because I'm choosing to be more selective in a future partner, holding out for substance over just having somebody to call my own and willing to go on building up my life, so when that one day  I meet that person who is meant to rock my socks off, I'll be more ready than I have ever been.

I'm currently under construction and I am pretty sure Mr. Right For Me is as well. 

Take your time. I'll take my time. I still have some work to do. 

Sadly, so many women are chasing this man of their dreams idea, which is a bunch of horseshit anyways, but are missing out the opportunity to be the woman of their own dreams.

Go be the woman of your dreams!

Love,
Sweet Cicily










Breakups & Breakthroughs



It's been over a month since I have written on the blog. 

For at least 30 days, I've been spending more of my time living my life and much less time writing about my day to day experiences.

Truth be told, I didn't miss it all that much.

During this hiatus, I've traveled to San Franciso, stayed at a hostel, visited my family on the East Coast, adventured into bikram yoga, spent time at CrossFit, took some time off CrossFit, hung out with friends, spent a lot of time with my son, babysat for new families, went on a date, decided I didn't ever want to date again, connected with loved ones, connected with myself, made new friends, started planning a solo back pack trick to Japan and began coordinating another pin up photo shoot.

I've been a busy bee. 

I've also haven't felt the need to share every tid bit with world, like I have in the past. 

So, it feels awkward writing my first blog post, after taking the longest time off so have ever had since I created this blog. 

Speaking of blog, this week I am celebrating 4 years of writing my life story on Sweet Cicily.

It's hard to believe it's been 4 years and just how much my life has changed dramatically during this time frame.

Let me rephrase that, I've changed so much in these four short years, so much that I don't even recognize my former self.

You see, I started Sweet Cicily, after a terrible break up. 

Afterwards, I decided I was literally going to create my own Happily Ever After, because it was foolish to wait around for someone to provide it for me. 

Over the weekend, I was hanging out at my best friend's home, on the other side of the island.

While we were hanging out, I had noticed on her refrigerator door, a Christmas card photograph posted of my ex boyfriend with his girlfriend right after me, one big happy family. 

Wait. Why was my ex on her fridge, you might be asking?

You see, I met my best friend through my ex boyfriend. 

Although, we haven't spoken to him in years, Ivy has become one of the best parts of my life.

It stung for a millisecond. Ugh. Not him. 

Why did I have to see his face again?

I've desperately tried to erase him from my memories, but every so often he pops up either in my dreams, on a mutual friend's Facebook feed or on a refrigerator covered in Christmas cards.

I took a deep breathe, walked away and never looked back at my ghost of boyfriend past.

Breakups are life breakthroughs in disguise. 

Wish him light and love. You've moved on. 

So, I sat down on the couch, with my wonderful blessing of a friend, Ivy, having girl time talk.

Ivy and I met when I first started dating Mr. Separated, when I was in fact still Mrs. Separated. 

She has seen almost the entire journey of my divorce, falling in love, unbearable heartbreak, the million dates I've on gone on since, my dating sabbatical breaks from men and finally now the stage of my life where I've been focused solely on my happiness sans men.

Ivy has been my rock, my confidant, my giver of tough love, my reality check and probably my greatest supporter in life.

She is truly my best friend and knows me better than any other person. 

She knows my good and bad parts, yet loves me unconditionally.

How many are this fortunate to have a person like this in their lives?

I'm blessed. 

Anytime, I find myself regretting my relationship with the man who broke my heart, I remind myself that I wouldn't have ever found the woman who has now captured my heart.

She has taught me the real meaning of love. 

It can't be found on Match.com or a right swipe on Tinder; it's found in the people who already love us and learning the fine art of loving yourself. 

While we were talking to this weekend, she reminded me just how far I've come over the past few years.

She remembered me as a woman, who use to be so desperate to love, that I'd willing accept crumbles of commitment.

My happiness was dependent on another person. 

Now, these days, if you don't cut it, I cut bait, because I know what's right for me and I understand my worth. 

If I'm being completely honest, I use to not have a life of my own and I lived for the approval and love from the men in my life.

I'm embarrassed that's who I once use to be; I haven't been that woman in many years.

Now, I've created a full life of my own, filled with lovely people, exciting adventures, discovering parts of myself that I never knew existed, focused on a healthy relationship with myself and figured out that I'm at the architect of my own happiness. 

I woke up one day and decided I was going to show myself the love I was desperately seeking from others.

Fuck it. I'm just going to be happy! It's that fucking simple. 

There's no magic formula, but to just do it. 

Forget asking for permission and create your reality of your choosing. 

If I want to Pin Up model, then I throw on my sassiest heels, paint my lips red and strike a pose for the camera.

If I want to back pack around the world, I book a ticket, find a cheap hostel and wander to my heart's content.

If I want to CrossFit, I show up, lift weights and just have fun. 

If I want to blog or vlog, I just hit publish and share my story with the world. 

There are no rules, except the ridiculous ones you impose on yourself.

My life may not be perfect, but I'm genuinely happy. 

It's been a rambling kind of night, but I figured it's time I start writing again, because that's what feels good for my soul at this moment.

With another year, filled with empty pages, I'm eager to see what stories will unfold in 2016.

Thank you to all my loyal and loving readers who have followed my journey.

Love, 

Sweet Cicily