Dear Diary... You Won't Believe Who Walked Into the Bar?!?!



 August 30, 2015

Dear Diary,


Every once in awhile I get this gut feeling I am going to run into someone from my past. My instincts are never wrong and it happened again over the weekend. I didn't expect to ever see HIM again.

You won't believe who I ran into on Friday night, while I was out with my new girlfriend at a local bar?!

Mr. CrossFit Crush.

Cari Bradshaw had her Mr. Big, I had Mr. CrossFit Crush.  That one guy who somehow gave still gives me mad butterflies.

Honestly, I hadn't thought about him in months, but there he was smiling at me in a bar.

Ever since our "rendezvous" earlier this year, I decided to literally delete him from my life. Why kid myself? Our time together had an expiration date. It was fun while it lasted. That's all she wrote.

Truth be told, I had assumed he had already moved off the island and I would never see him again. Little did I know, I would he would almost literally run into me on his bike, on a very late Friday night.

Let me backtrack a little for you.

On Friday, I had a REALLY rough day at work, that left me wanting nothing but hide underneath my covers and NETFLIX camp all weekend.

As I was getting ready to go to bed, my girlfriend who lives in my building suggested we go grab a cold beer since it is hotter than freaking Hades right now in Hawaii.

Gladly, I took her up on her offer and away we went to a local pub in our quiet beach town. After growing tired of the pub, she suggested we go to a dive bar, which was just a short stroll away.

As we were walking to the bar, someone was on a bike trying to get past us. "Excuse me," as he squeezed his bike through.

Although, I didn't see his face, I knew that voice from somewhere. Who could forget that southern drawl.

Grabbing my friend's arm, I whispered,"OMG. It's HIM. Mr. CrossFit Crush."

All my girlfriends know that in my blog posts, I give quirky, cute names for some of the men I have dated.

No one knows who he is because I have kept his name a secret over the years.

Honestly, I am sure no one would ever guess who he was anyways. He hasn't been to CrossFit in years and very few people from the "box" would even know who I am talking about.

Actually, I take that back, I did finally tell my coach who it was, because he couldn't even figure it out.

Anyways, back to the bar...

After seeing him head into the direction of the bar, I knew exactly where he was going. Crap. Seriously, the dive bar is literally the size of my condo, we were bound to bump into each other.

As I made my way through the bar, I walked right passed him without saying a word, praying he was avoiding me too.

He looked different. No longer the clean cut military boy who use to make me buckle, but now he was a bearded dude in board shorts.

Fortunately, my girlfriend found a spot at the end of the bar that was tucked away from the rest of the crowd. I'd be safe in my small corner. No way would he go out of his way to find me.

Truth be told, after our last night together, I had written him off. Neither of us were looking for love or even a relationship.


Now here he was again. Coming right up to me in a crowded bar. Looking right at me with those eyes. Those fucking beautiful blue eyes.

He didn't say a word. He just stood there. Smiling. Staring. Waiting. We just looked right into the other person.

Silence filled the space between us.

Words flowing out of his lips so sweet and slowly like molasses, "Do you remember me?"

How could I forget him? 

For two long years, I had secretly admired him from afar at CrossFit, watched him date countless other women, wishing it had been me, sent him thoughtful care packages to him on deployments, discovered he had been interested in me too and finally shared one passion filled evening together.

How could I forget the man who made my heart race and feel like a teenage girl again?

But, I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction. With an ever so slight smile, "I know who you are ????????."

We talked to each other about our lives now. He is out of the military, hence the beard, and starting his life over on the mainland soon. 

After catching up, I discovered that the man who once told me he doesn't believe in monogamy now has a girlfriend on the mainland, whom he is going to move all the way to the mainland to be with.

Now THAT was a shocker, but just shows you that even the biggest commitment phobics can settle down when they find the right person.

I guess there is hope for me after all.  Maybe there is someone out there who will change my mind about love too?

He asked me how I was doing with life and writing my blog. Thanks to a spirit filled evening, I told him I was "fucking fantastic", then I wished him all the very best in his next chapter in life.

It was nice to have closure. It was even nicer to see him again.

Perhaps, the Universe forced Mr. CrossFit Crush and I to CROSS paths tonight as a reminder for me to not give up on finding love.

Sooo... I know he reads my blog .....soooo if you are reading this...and you know exactly who you are... thank you for all the memories and thank you for reminding that I will find love too one day.

I won't ever forget you.

Love, 

Sweet Cicily

























What Did You Do This Weekend?

It is Sunday evening here in Hawaii and I should be getting ready to go to bed soon. But, before I do that, I wanted to find out what you all did this weekend.

So, what did you all do this weekend?

Lately, I have decided to do a lot less writing and a lot more living, so this weekend I made sure to get out of the house and spend time with all the wonderful people in my life. 

Want to find out more, click the play button below to find out adventures I got into this weekend.

Here are a few hints....








Love, 

Sweet Cicily






Date Like An Entrepreneur

"Dating and entrepreneurship are more similar than most people would ever assume."
-Neely Steinberg, the LoveTREP
Over the weekend I finished reading an intelligent and wonderful dating book called Skin In The Game by Neely Steinberg. 

Seriously, I have read every different type of dating book there is out there. Basically, it is a straight forward guide to date like an entrepreneur.

Just like with any successful business, it's critical to have a plan and the proper tools and savvy strategies. With Steinberg's background in business, she will teach you to become your own CEO of your love life.


I loved it so much that I felt compelled to share it with all my readers, whom I felt would benefit from her unique perspective on finding love. I have even recommended it to many of my newly divorced single girlfriends. It is truly the smart girl's guide to finding real love.

All my closest girlfriends have downloaded the book and are using all the great strategies found in Skin In the Game.

Even better, I am taking her business like approach to taking charge of your love life and sharing my experiences with all of you.

Let me tell you just how I came across this wonderful book. I don't know what it is but I always seem to be drawn to people from Boston. Ever since I attended university in Boston, throughout my life I have made many wonderful connections with Bostonians. Many of whom have had a significant impact on my life.

One of my most beloved friends is Rob or Boston Rob as I like to call him. When I first moved to Hawaii, I met him in the teacher's lounge at the high school that just hired me. Immediately I knew we would hit it off great, after seeing wearing a Boston Red Sox baseball cap.

My gut feeling proved right and we have been friends for over a decade.

Eventually Rob moved back to Boston, but we remain close and I love him like the brother that I never had.

Every time I find myself visiting beautiful Bean Town, I always make sure to have dinner with Rob in the city. Each time got together, he would bring along his good buddy, Kevin, who happens to be a Boston College boy, so instant connection.

Anyhow, last month Kevin shared with friends on social media that he was going to be on a all male panel for a Match.com seminar, led by Boston's own dating expert and matchmaker Neely Steinberg. Women from the city would ask the men for dating advice and get a peek into the male mind.



After talking with Kevin, he shared with me that his friend from graduate business school was leading the seminar and wrote a dating book from an entrepreneurial approach. Naturally I decided to find out a little more about The LoveTREP by reading her dating advice blog and downloading her ebook on Amazon.



Kevin is a really smart business man, so I trusted that his classmate was a brilliant business woman. I knew my love life was about to turn the corner. I even had the opportunity to speak with Neely on Facebook and loved her transparency with her own dating experiences.

Clearly I haven't had the greatest luck in the love department. Seriously, you have read my experiences on the blog. Whether I was falling in love with emotionally unavailable men or dating the wrong types of men, it wasn't going anywhere. I needed to get back to the drawing board and become a more strategic dater.

I loved her approach of looking at your love life through the eyes of a entrepreneur. No longer was I leaving it up to fate to find Mr. Right, but learning to create my own vision, problem solve, enroll others, take action (date) , network, seize opportunities and understand my "customer".

Instead of serial dating without purpose, I have a better understanding of my internal obstacles (i.e. trust issues, hurt, fear, etc.), removing those obstacles, clearly defining what I am seeking in a partner, seeing failures as assets, reflecting on dates, gathering a "team" to support me in my search, expanding my networking and redefining my brand.

Steinberg's book is a breath of fresh air. Her writing is honest and insightful. Each chapter shares either her personal experiences or that of her clients. Reading about specific dating experiences, was as if she was writing about my life.

I feel as if she understands what I am going through, because she actually was a single girl who did go through the same experiences.

I have now been on 3 dates since I started reading the book and have gained a new outlook on how I approach dating.

For example, when I am on a date, instead of initially writing off the person, I look for 3 attractive qualities about the person. Was he a good listener? Did he have a nice smile? Did he ask thoughtful questions?

Although, Steinberg met her husband on Match.com, she encourages her clients to jump off the couch and meet people. How in the world are you going to meet men if you are sitting on your couch on a Saturday night eating ice cream?

I use to ALWAYS complain that there were no men anywhere. Guess what, I was totally wrong, they are everywhere. Whether they are at coffee shops, grocery stores, gyms or MeetUp groups, there are men out there, it is up to you to make your opportunities.

Over the weekend, I decided to take action and get out of the house. Anytime a friend asked me to meet up with them, I said yes  to each invitation. With my son away at his dad's house, I had no excuse to not go out with friends.

On Saturday, one of my awesome, flirty and fun girlfriends, asked me to meet up with her at the local pub for a beer.

Guess what happened? I had an absolute blast and practiced my flirting skills with some very cute military men from New Zealand.

Even if there was nothing going on, I made sure to still get out of the house.

After speaking to many of my male friends, I discovered that they often fear rejection approaching women in groups. On Saturday night, I decided to do a little experiment, by going to grab a beer and wings at my local Whole Foods bar by myself.

Within minutes of sitting down, a man began asking me about my choice of beer. Could it be that easy?

While I was there, I also spoke with the bartender and asked him about the prime times men were sitting in the bar. He even shared that he met his last girlfriend while sitting outside drinking with friends. He noticed a cute girl's wine glass was empty, bought her another drink and was his opportunity to talk to her.

Steinberg advises her clients to enroll others to help you find love. Well, now Mr. Cutie Whole Foods bartender offered to introduce me to many of the cute guys he knows that sit at his bar.

After going through my divorce, I have dated so much over the last five years and I wish I could have had this insider perspective when I first became single again.

All I can do is learn from the past, maximize my present and work towards a future of my own design. It is never too late to take action and become your own love entrepreneur.

Where is your favorite place to meet men?

Love,



Sweet Cicily

How To Start a Conversation On Tinder


"Fortune favors the bold."


After swiping right on Tinder and discovering you are instantly matched with either your Tinderella or Tinderroni, what do you do next?

Have you ever wondered how to start a conversation on Tinder? Should you wait for them to send you a message or do you break the ice by reaching out to them first?

Let the Tinder Games begin. May the odds be ever in your favor.





From my own personal experience, I have had many matches, but most people are hesitant or unsure of how to start a conversation with a stranger.

Just looking through my current Tinder matches, only a very small percentage actually send me an initial message. Truth be told, I think a majority of men swipe most women, to have a better chance at matches. Women on the other hand are a bit more selective when it comes to swiping.



In the past I have would waited for a man to make the first move, but now I understand men are just as equally shy when it comes to meeting women. Like with all things in life, fortune favors the bold, so I have decided to change my approach to dating. 

Instead of waiting for men to come to you, why not give him the green light with this very simple conversation starter that you can use in online dating or meeting men wherever you go. 

Next time you see someone out in public or online you find interesting, I want you to say these exact words:

"You look like someone interesting to say 'hi' to."

Honestly, it doesn't matter if you are a man, woman, gay or straight; I promise you this is a great conversation starter. 

It's simple, sincere and who wouldn't be flattered hearing a woman say they look like they could be interesting. Keep in mind, you are not saying he IS interesting, but he LOOKS LIKE he could be interesting.

Men live for the maybe. She might be interested and you have now sparked that primal hunter embedded in his DNA. There's nothing like the thrill of the chase.

When someone is too available, desire dies easily.  When someone is not approachable, he is not going to even try for fear of rejection. However, just the right amount of friendliness and mystery, will immediately spark interest in your love interest.

Let's be honest, if you wait around for a man to make the first move, you will be waiting around forever. Even some of my very handsome, successful and wonderful male friends find talking to women daunting. 

Sometimes the fellas need encouragement and a little nudge. So swipe right or smile and say "hi" to that cute stranger out in public. You never know if that is your ultimate Match. 



Just today, I decided to test out my theory and immediately I received a flood of responses to my very simple statement. After that, it is up to you on how to continue the conversation, but hopefully this simple dating tip will help you meet more people in your love life. 

I'd love to hear your thoughts on who should text first? 

Love, 

Sweet Cicily












Why Is Your Husband On Ashley Madison?!


"Life is short. Have an affair."
-Ashley Madison

Several years ago, I was introduced to the adulterous website, Ashley Madison, from a close friend who had recently discovered her husband's secret account.

Although, they had overcame infidelity in the early years of their marriage, that motherf*cker would always go back to his old ways. Affairs, hookers and sexual addiction; ingredients usually not found in Happily Ever After.

Not only did he continuously break his marriage vows, but he continued breaking my beautiful and faithful friend's heart over and over again.

Every time, he would throw Jesus in the mix, because he was such a devoted Man of God and asked for forgiveness for his sin. Although, I am a Christian, I don't think confessing sins is your Get Out of Jail card, to justify your selfishness and sin.

It's also not your wife's fault you cheated, so stop blaming her and man the f*ck up. If you are having marital issues, actually have a conversation with the person you are married to and not some stranger on the internet.

While outward appearances would suggest he was a doting husband, wonderful father and a strong man of faith in the church community; Facebook can be very deceiving.

I knew his dirty little secrets.

For the most part, I love everyone, but not that asshole.

If you hurt my friends, you are finished with me.

Can you tell I don't like him? 

Anyways, how my girlfriend discovered her cheating, lying and oblivious husband's recent infidelities, was because he forgot to log out of his personal email on their computer.

Right on her computer screen, evidence of his betrayal and lies. Over a years worth of emails to random women, detailing his deceit and secret second life.

Discovering your spouse's affair(s) changes everything. I have not been the same since; whether that is good or bad.

I never want to experience that ever again.

Within an instant, her perfect life came crashing down, after discovering her husband was on Ashley Madison and several other websites aimed at sexual encounters with strangers.

If you haven't already heard about Ashley Madison in the national news this week, it is a "dating" website for married men and women looking to have affairs.

Sadly, her husband now ex husband isn't the only one and cheating is common place in many marriages. According to several studies on infidelity, approximately 41% of one or both spouses have had either an emotional or physical affair.

While this statistic may seem shocking to many, I am not at all surprised. I've seen infidelity tear apart many marriages, including my own marriage.

So, why are there so many husbands and wives on Ashley Madison? All of these websites are just a symptom of a greater problem. Are you going through a rocky part of marriage or you simply married to a complete asshole who will cheat on you no matter what?

Despite how many years have passed since my divorce, infidelity has left some very deep scars on me. I still have difficulty with trust, I don't believe monogamy is realistic and I have zero desire to ever remarry ever again.

Why would I ever want to risk half my money or my whole heart again? Honestly, it is a wonderful feeling knowing that I don't have to worry about someone lying to my face or cheating on me ever again.

Actually, I am positive the statistic is much higher, as I am sure not everyone will honestly confess to their indiscretions. 

I see far too many cheaters, whose spouses are either in denial or completely oblivious to what is happening behind their backs.

While they continue spouting on social media how wonderful their marriage is to the world, I will swipe left on that cheating asshole spouse when he pops up on my dating application or websites. 

For all I know, many of them may have "open" marriages, but I am wagering  a majority don't know they are in an open relationship.

Even as I scroll through my Tinder, I recognize several very married men that I know or I have dug deep enough to find out the single men who reach out to me actually have a family.

Sadly, Ashley Madison is a widely popular website, that has over 37 million USERS...ahem...I mean LOSERS seeking to have an affair with other married people.

Revenge is sweet though, because a hacking group decided to release all the emails, names, billing addresses of ALL the 37 million Ashley Madison.

Even better, Mr. Cheater's name was revealed on the leak and that big dummy deserves it for what he put my wonderful friend through over the years.

Since the huge Ashley Madison hack, several highly recognized, devout Christian men have admitted to cheating on their wives, after their names were released to the public; such as Josh Duggar from the famous reality television Duggar Family and the popular YouTube vlogger Sam from Sam and Nia.

Hypocrites. Both spout the sanctity of marriage. Uhm. I won't be taking marital advice from these two jokers. 

Truth be told, I don't think they are sorry for their sins, but sad they actually got caught.

Cheaters eventually get caught, by doing stupid things, like using your personal or work email to subscribe to a website for adulterers,  leaving your secret email open on your wife's computer or accidentally tweeting your "package" to all your followers, instead of your intentional private direct message ( Senator Anthony Weiner) .

Karma is a bitch and it will eventually catch up with all cheaters. Whether they get cheated on themselves in the future or get outed to the whole damn world in a highly publicized scandal, you cannot escape what you do to others.

While being cheated on by someone I loved completely broke my f*cking heart, it allowed me to end a sad chapter in my life and  begin writing my own Happily Ever After.

Funny how the worst moment in my life, led me to make the best decision in my life.  I packed my bags, left and started my life all over again on my own terms.

Although, we each have to make the decision to either STAY or WALK AWAY, I don't ever regret my decision.

Ashley Madison's tagline is, "Life is short. Have an affair." Mine became, "Life is too short to put up with a cheater."

What would you do?



Grab Your Baseball Bats


Love,

Sweet Cicily












Eat This For Breakfast


 
 Do you want to start eating clean, but not really sure where to start? Try this simple breakfast that will energize you for your day.

Spinach, apples, chicken apple sausages and 2 runny cage free eggs. Almond butter, banana, almond milk, cinnamon smoothie. #cleaneating #urwhatueat#healthy

Love,

Sweet Cicily




Dear Diary... We Are Breaking Up



Dear Diary,

After a great deal of thought and consideration, I've decided to break up with blogging for next few weeks.

We've been going on strong for the last three and a half years, but I've decided I needed a little space from myself and all the constant thoughts that run in my head.

Several years ago, I decided to challenge myself by writing a blog for 30 days, after watching a inspiring TEDTALKS presentation I watched on YouTube. Just as the speaker had suggested, if you do something consistently for 30 days, you will build a new habit.

I fell in love with writing. 

However, just like with any other relationship, sometimes it is healthy to create some distance to rekindle your desires.

Over the past few years, I've put my blood, sweat and tears into my writing; not to mention the hundreds of hours I invest in planning, writing and promoting my work.

I just need a short little break from being in my head so much. Sharing my life and digging deep sometimes can be emotionally draining. Although, I love having all of you peek into my world, I think I just need a short vacation from me to reenergize myself.

We take breaks from work, rest to avoid fitness fatigue and even take space from our loved ones, so why would it be any different from my writing?

Don't worry, I will be back for you even know it. For now, I am going to spend more time living my life, instead of always writing about it.

Maybe I will actually read a whole book, paint, go on dates, CrossFit, hang out friends or explore the island with my little boy. 

I will miss you all! 

Love,

Sweet Cicily