Hello...It's Me...

When was the last time you received a "Hello... it's me" message from your EX? 

Ghosts from your past, haunting your present, hoping to rekindle an old flame that went out long ago. 

While I was driving to work, I heard a song on a radio, that reminded me of my own "hello" phone calls. 

I am no stranger to these calls from out of the blue, so listening to these powerful words really hit home to me. 

Over the past years, I've had my heartbroken countless times, but as soon as I moved on with my life, I would hear from all of my exes from the other side, expressing they were sorry, missed me terribly and wanted to work it out.  

Between 6 months and a year later, I've heard from everyone of my exes. 

"I made a mistake. We can still fix this."

"I miss you."

"I was thinking of you."

"My life isn't the same without you."

"Can we work this out?"

However, it was too late for me, as time healed my heart and I was no longer torn up apart. I didn't need them anymore. 

By the time I received this phone call, text or email; I've come to senses and realize that I am better off without them. 

Exes are exes for a reason. I learn my lesson and then move on with my life. While, I am thankful for our experiences, I know better now and realized I want to be with someone who won't risk losing me. 

When I get a "Hello...it's me," it is usually followed with, "Sorry, who is this?" because I've already erased them from my contact list and my heart. 

Oh, but these haunting lyrics made me wonder who else has been on the receiving end of this call. 

Who else is hearing this song, picking up the phone and confessing that they miss you? Who else is sorry for breaking your heart? Who else is wondering if their ex still thinks of you?

Hello, it's me

I was wondering if after all these years
You'd like to meet, to go over
They say that time's supposed to heal ya
But I ain't done much healing

Hello, can you hear me?
I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be
When we were younger and free
I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet

There's such a difference between us
And a million miles

Hello from the other side
I must've called a thousand times to tell you
I'm sorry, for everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to be home

Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried to tell you
I'm sorry, for breaking your heart
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore

Hello, how are you?
It's so typical of me to talk about myself
I'm sorry, I hope that you're well
Did you ever make it out of that town
Where nothing ever happened?

It's no secret
That the both of us are running out of time

Hello from the other side
I must've called a thousand times to tell you
I'm sorry, for everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to be home

Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried to tell you
I'm sorry, for breaking your heart
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore

Ooooohh, anymore
Ooooohh, anymore
Ooooohh, anymore

Hello from the other side
I must've called a thousand times to tell you
I'm sorry, for everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to be home

Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried to tell you
I'm sorry, for breaking your heart
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore

Damn you, Adele, you did it again. Either you are going to make us all cry or inspire a few souls to try to reach out to their ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends. 

Tugging at our heart strings, bringing bad breakups back to life and leaving us all unable to get your latest lyrics out of our heads...


Sweet Cicily 

You Are Strong

"You are strong."

Three simple words that held a powerful punch.

Saturday morning, I woke up to these words in an email from someone I barely know on my Facebook.

You are strong. That was all he wrote.

I'll never know why he decided to send me this message in the middle of the night. 

Time stamped 1:07 a.m. 

I didn't even think to ask him why he felt compelled to randomly share this with me.

I just said, "Thank you."

Nothing more. Nothing less. 

I didn't need to know his reasons, but I am still curious to this day why he felt the need to reach out with this insight.

Others motivations fascinate me.

It's not as if we are even friends or have even had a real conversation, so it caught me completely off guard. 

Even earlier this week, we had a WOD together and I decided to be friendlier to everyone and smiled at him, as we were putting our weights away.

I smiled and he gave me a weird look. I thought, "Eewwww." 

We never know what people are really thinking. 

I can laugh about it now.

I've noticed him around CrossFit for over the last year or so, but he has never even looked my way or even spoken to me.

Truth be told, I don't know much about him, except he is one of the CROSSFIT studs. 

Every CROSSFIT box has their studs. They aren't hard to miss. 

Look for the guys who Rx every f*cking workout, are shirtless as soon as you hear "3..2..1...Go" and are smoking every one in he WOD.

They are the first to yell out "TIME", while I am still fighting to finish through my ALWAYS scaled workout.

Dammit. It's not fair. Why do they make it look so easy!?

It occurred to me just how ironic it was that one of the strongest men I've known at CROSSFIT felt the need to tell me he thinks that I am strong.

Dude. I've been at CROSSFIT off and off for almost three years and I still cannot do a strict pull up. 

As Alanis Morrisette so sweetly sings, "Isn't it ironic, don't ya think?"

Let's me honest. I am not very physically strong. While I am much stronger than when I first started, I am no where near so many of the other athletes.

After my hospitalization last year, I was ever weaker and I basically was starting all over again.

Just the other day, I was super stoked I could finally front squat 45#, after experiencing a back injury this summer. Just for the record my max was 65# for front squat and 100# for my back squat.

Not bad for the girl who never exercised and failed PE in high school.

Huge deal for me because I couldn't front squat the 15# bar just a few months ago.

I've been determined to work harder on my lifting.

Ugh. But then I looked over and saw my girlfriend had two 25# bumper plates on just ONE side of her much heavier bar.

Son of a %^*?!!?!

I didn't feel strong. 

After a reminder of just how far I've come and reassuring myself that it isn't about comparison, I felt so much better.

However, I'm so thankful Mr. Rx reminded me that while I may envy the physical strength of so many of those around me at CrossFit, there are others who admire my personal strength.

Much like I've admired his strength, he recognized this in me too.

I may never Rx a single workout, but I'm still a f*cking badass in my own right. I'm the Jackie Perez of my own damn life. 

Unstoppable. Fearless. Powerful.

Over the years, I've only shared a sliver of what I've overcome in my life. If only you knew what obstacles I've faced to be the person that I am today.

No matter what, I never give up, dig deeper and push through. 

You have nooooooooo idea. Trust me. I've had my struggles, but I'm all smiles to the world.

It hasn't always been easy.

Maybe he read my writings? Many people at my CROSSFIT box admit to reading my blog, even many of the men I workout with.

Maybe it was just his own observation. I guess I will never know, but it's nice to know others recognize your strengths. 

I am strong. I am stronger than I will ever give myself credit.

You are too... 


Sweet Cicily

Why You Should Date Your Friends

45 days ago I decided to start dating my friends.

No more Match.com. No more Tinder. No more looking for love in all the wrong places.

It was right in front of me this entire time, but I was too blind to see; I've fallen so deeply in love and I can't believe it's taken me this long to figure it out.

All these years, I've been searching for my one true soul mate, but neglected to see I already have so many great loves in my life already.

My family. My friends. My framily.

Why wasn't I giving them the same amount of effort, energy and time that I've poured into my romantic dating life?

I had been going about this all wrong.

Why wasn't I spending my precious time with the people whom I already love so much and who love me back unconditionally?

After agreeing not to go on any dates for 45 days, as advised by my life coach, it occurred to me over the past month that I wanted to shift my priorities.

Instead of investing in strangers, at this point in my life, I want to spend more time with the people who already matter the most to me.

I wanted to carve out time for my loved ones, so I decided to "date" them instead.

If Mr. Right For Me finds me, then that will be wonderful, but I'm so tired of chasing it down relentlessly. 

Right swipes, winks, texts, no texts and dates I really don't want to on gets really old. 

I'm not interested. I'm swiping left on the whole idea of dating.

THIS is what I realized after 45 days of going on no dates and giving myself space to reevaluate my life goals.

I just want to love on my loved ones.

So, for the past month, I've been making a concerted effort to spend more time with my friends.

I'm making the time to cultivate and nurture old and new friendships.

Since then, I've accepted invitations to hang out with my loved ones, when I'd normally go out on a few different dates with different men, during my free time.

I've even hosted an all girls night in at my house with many of the women from my CROSSFIT box.

It was one of the best times I've had in a very long time. 

Just this morning, I was able to bring together so many of the people I care about from CROSSFIT for a Sunday framily brunch. 

A year ago, I didn't know most of these people gathered around for breakfast, now I consider them my family in Hawaii.

So much can change in a year, a month, a week and even a single day.

Open your eyes!

God has blessed me. 

I begged God many years ago to mend my brokenness and feel love again.

I've been carrying around this piece of paper, sharing HIS promise, for seven years.


My God... this exceeds any expectation I have ever had. 

Looking around the table at all of their faces, I couldn't help but feel my heart overflow with love.

Confession. I had my first date tonight and I ended up canceling. My heart isn't into it and I needed to be honest with myself.

He understood and accepted my rain check on this rainy day.

Who knows when I'll be ready, but honestly it doesn't even matter. I'm really in a good space head and heart wise.

It took me a really long time to get here. Seven years to be exact. But, I'm glad I finally found the love I've been searching for all this time...


Sweet Cicily


Tonight I Cried

All afternoon I have been wandering aimlessly around my small town with a heavy heart. A single text can change everything.

Tragedy. Shock. Grief.

Loss experienced by my loved ones left me heartbroken and helpless. Watching the people I care for in my life left in pain and grief is so difficult. I would do anything to take away their pain.

When others cry, I cry too. I've been like this my whole life. Your pain is my pain. Absorbing emotions; an empathic soul's strength and weakness.

If you're hurt, I want to bandage your wound and kiss it better, assuring you it will be just fine. Sadly, life isn't that simple. It's complicated and out of our hands most of the time.

Wishing I could take it all away...but I can't.

But, I can offer love and support. That's really all any of can do when we stand witness to our loved ones lives filled with peaks and valleys.

You may not be able to do anything except say, "I love you. I'm sorry. How can I be here for you?"

Although, I trust in the Lord with all my heart, I was still so frustrated that I then begged God to help me understand why he permits such pain in our lives.

Why do bad things happen to good people?

It just does and I'll never know the answer.  So out of frustration and sorrow for my loved ones, I just stood here standing in my kitchen, crying until I couldn't cry anymore.

Tonight I cried because I was reminded that the depth of our sorrow is as equal to the depth of our capacity to love.

Life will always be a balancing act of great love and great sorrow; this is the only certainty we are given.

We will shed many tears over the course of our lives.  Tears of overwhelming happiness. Tears of laughter. Tears filled with sorrow.

Just be there to help wipe away those tears....

CrossFit Is My Therapy

I don't know what I'd do without CrossFit. Over the last two years, I've found it to be not only a source of happiness, but incredibly therapeutic.

A psychologist's couch is replaced by an encouraging coach. Endorphins are prescribed to treat days filled with sadness or stress.

CrossFit has been the Rx to finding a healthy balance in my life.

For just a few hours a week, I can throw the weight of the world off my shoulders and snatch it in the air, drop it to the ground and go a few rounds more. By the end of the workout, I'll have forgotten what I was worrying about when I arrived at the box.

I'll have to admit, I was counting the minutes until I was able to go to CrossFit this evening. Tick tock. Tick tock. Not only did I have a challenging day of teaching, which included being threatened, but the last guy I had been dating decided to text me out of nowhere, after completely ghosting me. 

I was 500% over this day and it wasn't even 5 o'clock yet. 

F*ck it. I'm going to CrossFit!

I didn't care what the WOD was going to be, just as long as I could get out my frustrations.  800m run, wall balls or  squats; whatever would wash away all these jumbled up feelings. 

I was pissed that my ghost had the nerve to send me a lame ass explanation of why I hadn't heard from him since our last date. Not even a sincere apology. That's all I wanted to hear, "I'm sorry."

Tonsillitis and antibiotics. That's all I got. 

I guess tonsillitis leaves your fingers too swollen to text "Hi. I'm sick." Yet, you can be "online now" on POF everyday. Ugh. 

I've been a full on labor with no epidural for ten hours and still managed to send out a few texts. Boo. Boo is all I have to say to my ghost.

Boo to chasing people who cannot give their affections, energy and love freely. 

During tonight's WOD of double unders and snatches, I channeled my frustrations with my ghost into something positive. It was one of the most challenging workouts because I kept pushing myself to snatch that weight off the ground as many times as I could.

It worked because I PRed my deadlifts to 110# and met my targeted 4 rounds in my AMRAP.

Suck on that stress!

Anyways, I have a zero tolerance for people who don't treat me with respect and treat me as a back up plan. 

As one of my CrossFit girlfriends said, "People who want to be with you will make sure there are there with you. Otherwise, let go and move on to someone who will."

I'd rather be dead lifting than dealing with dead weight.  

So instead of worrying about foolish boys, who could really care less about my feelings, I surround myself with the people I love at CrossFit. Whenever I see all the familiar faces, like J-Boy, Pa'ana, Coach Gil, Anne Marie, 5 o'clock Phil, etc., I cannot help but smile. 

These are the people who matter. Always positive, supportive and loving.  I love them all because they are my home away from home.

Besides pushing each other to be stronger mentally and physically, we also turn to each other for support outside of the box.

I will always be grateful for CrossFit, as it has really provided me a healthy outlet to handle all the obstacles I will face in my life.

Next time when you have a challenging day, do something active and positive for YOU, that will make you a better person. 

Know that even if the weight of it all (bills, relationships, career, families, etc.) may seem impossible to carry, all you need to do is get up to the bar, take a deep breathe, visualize your goal, pick that sh*t up and give it  all you have. 

I Love You,

Sweet Cicily


Don't Ever Lose Faith

"The generous man will be prosperous, And he who waters will himself be watered."-Proverbs 11:25

This evening's writing is about five months over due. Ever since December of last year, it was my intention to write about the idea of helping others in need. 

Not everything I write about revolves around CrossFit or the state of affairs of my love life. Thank goodness, because I am sure my friends could probably only take so much incessant talk of Work Outs of the Day and/or my Match.com dates. 

Even I need a break from the norm.

Tonight would probably fall under the category of Soul Sundays. Organizing my content is still a work in progress. Certain days being designated a specific topic is my long term goal for Sweet Cicily, mixed in with some random video blogs or writings. 

Instead of waiting till this weekend, I will take time out to share my thoughts on my experience with this particular scripture found in the bible. In addition, just how I have applied this concept in the nurturing of my soul.

November of 2012 was a really difficulty month. Oh, who am I kidding. It was a really sh$#!y 30 days, filled with anything and everything that could go wrong. 

A combination of a huge financial setback, frustrating issues with my car, an error made by my university that screwed up my financial aid loan for the term, a disagreement I was having with a person close in my life and your normal every day single parent/working mother stress. 

It was my "Perfect Storm" and it felt as if my boat was sinking to the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean.

Here's the thing, faith grows during storms. Storms test our limits. 

Having faith in God's great plan for you isn't all that difficult, when everything in your life is falling perfectly into place. 

For example, just a few weeks ago, I went on a hike along the eastern coastline of the island of Oahu. As I was trekking my way back to the car, low and behold, I spotted out the corner of my eye a crisp $100 bill. I could not believe it. I almost did one of those Scooby Do double takes.


Earlier that week, I was chatting with my best friend on my lanai that I could use an extra $100 and I was on a tighter budget this month. I also shared that I had faith it would all work out. 

When I saw that $100 bill, I immediately praised God for blessing me with such a wonderful find on the side of the road. Seriously, unshakable faith that HE would take care of my needs as he has always promised.

Now what about the times where life just isn't going your way? 

We have all had days like this. Hell, you might have had months or years filled with challenges. Do you fold your cards, give up and lose all faith? Can you recall a time when your faith was tested?

As I had mentioned earlier, November was a month of back to back set backs and obstacles. Deep in my heart, I knew God was challenging my faith, growth and strength. A lot of prayers were being said during this storm in my life.

Amidst this life storm, an opportunity floated by me in the sea of life. 

As some of you may know, my chosen profession has been in the field of special education, teaching high school students with various exceptional needs. I had recently received an invitation by a fellow teacher, at another high school, to help raise donations and volunteer our time for a special needs prom in Hawaii. 

Instead of dismissing the invitation and providing an excuse of having too much on my plate, I gladly accepted the opportunity.

Despite me reaching a low point in my life, I am still aware that there are others in greater need. 

I knew in time my worries would fade away into the backdrop of life, however, this is not always the case for individuals facing challenges with special needs. 

It drives me nuts when people say FML (F My Life) when minor setbacks happen. Sorry, but FML is not warranted when the barista accidentally mixed up your Starbucks order. You will not get any sympathy from me. 

A very close girlfriend of mine, Heather, is a hospice nurse, where she spends her days working with people who are dying. She reminds me that at the end of the day that our lives our fragile, limited and precious. 

If anyone has the right to say FML, it is someone who is battling to hold onto life. 

Truly, they are the only ones who have the right to say FML, not Joe Smoe who didn't get all the upgrades on his brand new BMW. Boo hoo dude. Again, no sympathy here. 

In my profession, I have witnessed young people with life long disabilities, which itself carries multiple challenges. Many would do anything to live in your shoes for a day (i.e. be able to speak, walk without assistance, live independently, etc.) 

Anyways, I had enough of my pity party; it was time for a game change. At that moment, despite my current circumstances, I chose to dedicate my energy into a wonderful cause.

For the next month, I decided it was my goal was to raise the suggested $300 for each high school participating in the Autism Society of Hawaii's Winterball/ Peter's Prom, a prom dedicated to students with special needs. 

Guess what? I still faced many obstacles. Due to the last minute invitation, our fundraising options at our high school were limited, which was incredibly frustrating. 

Unfortunately due to school fundraising procedures, we were not able to raise money on campus. 

Nothing was going to stop me from having our students being able to have a special prom of their own. Yours truly has a tendency to never take "NO" for an answer. Back to the drawing board. I was going to figure this out. 

I will never forget praying to God to guide me to help find a way to raise the money we needed, in less than 30 days till the prom. Placing my faith in HIM and saying to myself over and over again, "If there is a will, there is a way."

One night, as I was scrolling through my Facebook news feed, my prayer was answered. 

I knew if we were able to spread the word of our special needs prom in Hawaii via social media networking, surely we would gain the support and raise the $300 needed for our students to attend their own high school prom. 

During my research, I found an amazing website called GO FUND ME, that connected everyday people to charitable organizations, making the process seamless. 

With the click of a button, one can donate to a cause of their own choice. What a wonderful blessing.

Every morning, I would place a post it on my computer with a monetary goal for our fundraising efforts. Never forgetting to include a prayer. 

Miraculously, by the end of the day, the dollar amount matched the goal set at the start of the day. 

Our efforts to raise money for our students' special needs prom kept gaining momentum. Monetary donations from across the nation, chaperon volunteers, donated prom dresses and professional makeup artists & hair stylists were all coming out of the wood works. 

By prom night, my girlfriend/co-teacher  and I had raised exactly $1,000 just through sharing with our loved ones on Facebook. 

Have faith that God will work miracles in your life.

For the rest of my life, I will never forget that magical December night in Waikiki. 

All our boys in fitted tuxedos, the girls having professional makeup artists highlighting their beauty, an elegantly decorated banquet room, lively music filling the room, dancing into the late hours with my students on the dance floor, surrounded by a community of volunteers with huge hearts and capturing the smiles of some of the most special human beings in the world. 

Every guest and volunteer admitted cheerily, "Best prom ever!"

Sometimes I am overcome with tears of joy. I am a very lucky woman to be honored to teach individuals with unique special needs. 

Every day I am humbled. Every day I am loved. Every day I have the chance to better someone's life. I do not take this responsibility lightly. I am so thankful God has chosen this life for me. 

Rarely is it glamorous, paychecks pale in comparison to other professions, but it is exactly where I am meant to be.

God has been so good to me and I praise him everyday. He taught me one of the greatest life lessons that evening. Man is not an island, we must reach out and help each other.

I opened this piece tonight with a verse from Proverbs in the Bible. It is fitting of this personal life experience, "The generous man will be prosperous, And he who waters will himself be watered." 

Do you remember when I mentioned I had been having a financial hardship during this time period? Well, it was exactly $1,000 short of my needs for the month. I chose not to worry and eventually it sorted itself out the following month with moving around bills and hustling hard to earn extra money. 

I had faith it would work out and it certainly did. 

Looking back, I think it is incredibly ironic that I was able to raise exactly $1,000 for the special needs prom. Peter's Prom gave me the chance to water others in life, in turn I realized I was watering myself with blessings. I like to think God was smiling down on me, knowing I passed his test.

How will you water others in life

How To Meet 200 New Men or Women In 365 Days!

Have you ever found yourself wondering where were all the available single men? Continuously frustrated, finding yourself swearing off men and deleting your online dating profiles multiple times.

Where is he? Why am I still single?

Don't give up my beautiful friends.  Despite what you may feel, there are lots of men out there. We just have to open our eyes, hearts and minds, if we want to meet a really great guy.

This year let's try a different approach, when it comes to our love lives. Instead of waiting for Cupid or OKCupid to find our next match, let's be more proactive when it comes to meeting new people.

Your focus doesn't have to be scoring your next date, but rather becoming more comfortable and seasoned in meeting new people.  

Do not leave it to Tinder to find the love of your life. Get out into the real world. You will soon discover that single men are everywhere; whether it is at the grocery store, restaurant, gym or walking down the street.  

Let's put the humanity back into dating. Instead of swiping left or right, winking or carrying out your conversations in endless texts; take  technology out of the equation and meet people the old fashion way. 

Truth be told, I much prefer a warm smile over a cyber wink. What about you?

Even if you are not looking for love, this is still a great opportunity to grow as a person and meet some pretty cool people.

Your challenge this year is to meet 200 men in 365 days. Now I didn't say go on 200 dates, but rather make a concerted effort to get out of your comfort zone and meet more men. As I said in the past, dating is a numbers game, make the odds work in your favor. 

You have only yourself to blame, if you spend most of your time sitting on your couch inhaling bon bons and Netflix marathoning in your pajamas all week.

Get out of the house girls! Go live your lives. Go have lots of fun. If you want to meet someone interesting, you sure as hell better be interesting yourself.

Women who have full lives, hobbies, interests, know how to have fun and are confident make for sexy ass people.

As a former wallflower, I know how terrifying it can be to meet new people or initiate conversations, but I assure you that this challenge will change your life. 

The best way to erase our fears is to face our fears head on. 

From this day forward, make it a point to interact with 2 new people a day, I don't care who it is. This includes women too, who knows if you meet the love of your life through a new friend or the cute guy standing next to you in the check out line. 

To get what you want, sometimes you  have to literally speak up. Practice makes perfect. Before you know it, talking to men becomes natural, not uncomfortable. 

You'd be surprised at how many interesting people you will encounter by just being more open to starting conversations. 

From what most men have shared with me, a majority of men will not come up to you in public. He may find you attractive and dying to talk to you, but may be mortified to make the first move. 

Facing humiliation and rejection from women are common fears for many men. Even the cutest guys can be incredibly shy. 

Why do men always have to make the first move? Why are will still playing antiquated cat chasing mouse dating games? Let's cut these guys a little slack. 

Here are a few tips to help you meet more men this year:

Nothing makes a woman more approachable than a warm and welcoming smile. Make a habit of smiling at three different men a day. 

Just yesterday, I was going for a run and noticed a very cute man in a convertible looking at me. Instead of looking straight ahead, avoiding eye contact, I gave him the biggest smile. You know what happened next, that hottie potottie gave me the biggest smile back. 

Get in the habit of smiling.  Men are attracted to happy women, not ones with resting bitch face or who act miserable all the time. 


You don't have to give him a cheesy pick up line, but you can be friendly and ask him a question.  Notice he is reading a book, why not ask if he recommends the writer. Maybe comment on an item in his grocery cart. Just say anything! 

9 times out of 10, I guarantee that will start off a great conversation.  

During my backpacking travels, I force myself to talk to strangers, otherwise my trips can get really lonely.  Usually, I start off with, "Do you mind if I sit with you?" No one has ever told me no. 

My favorite story was when I was traveling through Bali and found myself alone in a local backpackers gathering spot. 

I didn't want to sit and drink my beer alone, so I looked at the really cute guy at the next table and asked if I  could join him. 

With a devilish grin he said, "I was waiting for you to ask."  

Mind If I Sit With You?


No one, I repeat, no one will approach if you if you have headphones in your ears or are face planted your iPhone. 
This is the universal sign for leave me alone. 

So, the next time you are shopping in the grocery store, put that stuff away. Find opportunities to talk to cute guys. Whether you are in the beer section of Whole Foods, asking the cute guy if he tried this lager or striking a conversation with the billion of men who are also watching the game and eating chicken wings, smile and ask questions. 

Wishing you all the very best in life and in love this year. I would love to hear about how your experience has been when trying these different tips. Feel free to email me at sweetcicilyhi@gmail.com or connect with me on Facebook at Sweet Cicily


Sweet Cicily