Whenever I meet new men, the most common question that they ask me is, "What are you looking for?"
After seven years of singleness, I can honestly answer this question with sincerity.
I want to meet a nice man.
In 2009, when I was newly separated, if you had asked me that very question, I would have provided you a long lists physical traits and character qualities I wanted to find in a man.
Buys Me Flowers
Writes Love Letters
Blah, blah, blah and the list went on and on.
75 bullet points if anyone is counting.
In hindsight, I was being overly picky and probably passed over some perfectly good men because of this ideal fantasy boyfriend in my head.
Dating has taught me that sometimes both men and women do themselves a huge disservice with unrealistic expectations.
After all, we are dealing with humans, not ordering a Dominoes pizza. Just enjoy the fact that it is awesome pizza and not turn up our noses because we don't like every single topping.
You aren't perfect, so why do you expect it in another person. It's neither realistic and you're setting yourself up for disappointment.
However, overtime I began to remove items that no longer were essential and revisited ones that needed fine tuning.
Basically, I whittled down my Love List to what were my deal breakers and deal makers.
I'm not saying that I'm not selective, because I believe you have to have your standards, but encourage you to really consider what should matter most when finding a partner to share your life with.
At the end of the day I want to find a nice man who is intelligent, generous with his love and is a thoughtful human being who is excited to share life with me.
But, we have to have chemistry, earth shattering mental and physical chemistry.
Now that's the kicker and so damn hard to find.
We've all dated the nice guy or nice girl, but something was missing and there simply is no spark.
We've also dated the nice guys or nice guys who weren't all that nice people, but wanted to carry that title.
I'm not alone in this search.
I know for a fact that I'm a good woman and it's about damn time I find a good man.
So, until I discover these traits in another person, I'm gladly willing to continue living my life.
Maybe I'll meet him one day. Maybe I won't.
F*ck who knows, but at least I could finally honestly answer the question, "What are you looking for?"