It has been a few weeks since I have had a the chance to sit down and write an actual blog post. As always, life gets in the way and writing takes a back burner to my ever hectic life.
But, I promise you that I have lots of fun stories to share with all about my adventures over the last month.
Once in a blue moon, when my son is away at his dad's house, I reactivate my Tinder account. Either it's out of curiosity, boredom or a genuine desire to meet someone new.
I know. I know. I know. I have sworn off online dating like a thousand times over the last seven years.
Didn't I learn my lesson?
Mr. Right isn't on Tinder. Maybe a bunch of F*ck Boys, but I have yet to meet anyone with true relationship potential on this smart phone dating application.
Despite trying every other way to meet men (i.e. mixers, church, speed dating, "serious" online dating websites, friends, Meet Ups, gym, etc.) I haven't found the one the is right for me.
Everyone else is on Tinder, might as well take a peruse. Maybe someone new moved to the island and we haven't gone on a date yet.
As all my girlfriends joke, "Military PCS season is fast approaching, which means a whole new dating pool of men."
Sometimes I wonder if HE is still out there and hasn't even made his way to Hawaii yet. Hell, maybe he is already here and already in my life, but the timing isn't right. Who knows?!
In the meantime, I will have fun dating my Mr. In The Mean Time Men, as my girlfriend wisely advised me.
After my last Tinder experience with my cheating, lying, married sociopath date, I have been hesitant to dive into the dating pool again.
I literally dated a crazy person that all the online dating naysayers warn you about.
Sadly, there have been a few. Where are the normal men in Hawaii?
Anyways, I went on a date this weekend, after a Tinder match offered to take me to spend the day at the Polynesian Cultural Center. Keep in mind, it takes over an hour to drive to almost the North Shore of the island of Oahu.
Why not? I've never actually explored this popular tourist spot, so here was a perfect opportunity to learn about Polynesian culture with a really cute, educated, successful and "nice guy" for a few hours.
Before the date, he called me the night before to make plans. Already he was earning brownie points. I love it when a man picks up the phone and takes initiative to plan a date.
This was going to be fun.
Even if it was just to meet someone new...I was putting myself out there.
When I arrived to the Polynesian Cultural Center, my date asked me which package we should get, which I opted for the least expensive, considering first dates should be shorter and I wouldn't expect my date to spend a fortune.
As we were ordering our tickets, in my best Samuel L. Jackson voice, thiisssssss mother $#%&cker asked me if I had cash to pay for my own ticket.
Come again? Que???
Didn't he, the night before, ask to take me out on a date?
Like a gentleman, he took out his fancy credit card and proceeded to ask me if I had $20 in cash and he would charge it on the card.
"You can be my ATM today!" He laughed.
ATM. ATM. All I could think was. ATM. WTF.
When the ticket counter lady asked if he wanted to add $15 for lunch and an extra hour, he was like, "No. I am not hungry."
Didn't even ask if I was hungry at NOON. So, I starved for two long hours, with just one piece of coconut bread the land of Tahiti people made during the various shows.
Dammit. I did it again. I was out with a total cheapskate!
Before anyone feels sorry for him, know that he is a high ranking officer in the military and runs his own non profit.
Twenty dollars wasn't going to kill him, but that is a gas money for a week for me. Well, add more since I drove myself all the way to the damn North Shore to go out on a date with him.
I ONLY do that for my friends who are visiting as tourists.
This officer was not a gentleman. He was a douche.
It gets even better.
You know when you first enter a theme park and you are asked to take pictures with Mickey Mouse or whoever at the entrance, well we were directed to stand together to take pictures with a hulu girls.
He actually refused to take a picture with me. Even all the staff members, hulu girls and photographer said, "Why don't you want to take a picture with her?!"
So I stood there BY MYSELF.
My date didn't even want to stand next to me. I swore I wore deodorant ... unlike HIM...
Again, this gets better.
Basically, I think I was invited so he would have a personal photographer there for the day, because that is all he would ask me to do.
Now it was his turn to be photographed with the hulu girl and hulu guy, but he shoved his iPhone in my hand and asked me to take pictures.
"I don't want to pay for pictures," he exclaimed!
Well, at least it wasn't just me he was being cheap with, he was cheap with EVERYONE. He was also rude to EVERYONE else too.
While presenters were chanting beautiful Hawaiian melodies and dancing ancient Hawaiian hulu, again, in my best Samuel L. Jackson voice, that mother $%&*er was texting on his damn iPhone in the damn front row.
I was mortified!
Even the coconut bread guy was giving my date the side eye.
Never in the history of my dating have I ever wanted to ditch someone so bad. In hindsight, I should have just dug out and drove further north to the Kahuku shrimp trucks.
Ah. But, I am not an assh*le, so I sucked it up and made the choice to have my own fun. And, so I did.
Not only did I get to check off a bucket list item, I learned a little Polynesian history, met some cool visiting tourists and even met a woman who worked there also named Cecily.
He asked to go out again and I said, "No."
This ATM is out of service.
So, ladies and gentleman, don't date a douche. You deserve to go with someone who is generous, considerate, polite and treats you with respect.
Keep calm and Tinder on....
I Am Sure Coconut Bread Guy Would Be a Better Date
Look. It's Cecily. She was so much more f*cking cool than my date.