Healthy Avocado Tuna Salad Recipe






Are you trying to eat more healthy, but not exactly sure where to start or what to make? Why not try this healthy avocado tuna salad recipe this summer. Not only is it easy to make, but completely clean and is very filling. 


 



Step 1 Scoop out one yummy avocado.




Step 2 Add one can of tuna.
 



Step 3 2tbs of lemon juice and season with ground pepper!



Step 4 Add Honey Dijon for a creamy kick.





Step 5 Ta Da! A yummy lunch. Serve with lettuce wraps or on a bed of salad!



Herpes Jokes





As many of you already know, I have been very public with my having What It Is Like To Have Herpes story. Not only have I come out publicly in a  popular YouTube video, but I frequently blog about my experiences  after being diagnosed with this virus. 

After living with  HSV2 for over five years, with the support of my friends at Herpes Opportunity and my loved ones, I have been able to drop the stigma and have come to the realization that having a sexually transmitted infection is not the end of the world.

Truth be told, aside from writing about it or discussing it with potential partners, herpes is no longer a big deal to me. 

Over the years, I have come to the understanding that herpes is actually very common and there is life and love after herpes. 

In the past, I would be mortified if someone told a herpes joke, but now I let it roll off my back or just call people out on it.

 "Hey! You do realize I Have Herpes, right?" Either they feel like a idiot or apologize profusely.

I have bigger fish to fry and bigger concerns in my life than someone hurting my feelings with a herpes joke. 

Now that I have been living with herpes, have given several disclosures and talk with many people very candidly about herpes, I realize the jokes are not personal and come from a lack of understanding. 

Honestly, a majority of society is completely clueless when is comes to their sexual health, despite the fact the are having sexual relations. 

Ignorance is bliss and I am happy to educate you on this part of the birds and bees no one ever talks about.

Anyhow, just recently I was searching for videos of my new favorite female comedian, Amy Schumer, on the internet, when I came across a gem. Amy Schumer - Herpes Scare is a comedy skit where Amy tries to make a deal with God to protect her from getting an STD. (watch the video below)




Oh, great, here we go, another freaking herpes joke. But, after watching the video, it is actually pretty freaking funny. God I love her. Especially, when Amy rather not give up drinking and decides to keep her herpes instead.

It felt good to laugh and stop taking it so damn seriously. So thank you Amy Schumer for helping me laugh for the first time about having herpes. 

Although, I am not trying to make light of herpes, because I have had my struggles with this diagnosis, I can actually laugh about it now. I wasn't always able to laugh about it and I am glad people are actually talking about it more publicly.

It's not a big f*cking deal to me anymore.

So here are five reasons why herpes is not a big deal to me anymore:

 01

 1-4 Americans has HSV2, 80% of which don't know they have it because they do not show symptoms.  You could very well have it and not even know it.

I went a date recently and it turns out my date also has HSV2. It was the most honest conversation I ever had on a date. Valtrex talk over guacamole. It felt great being honest and being grown up about it.


02

 I have not had an out break in over a year and even when I did it was very rare and minor.  I have colds  that are worse than an outbreak. As the years pass, I see my herpes "friend" less and less.



03

It is treatable with different medications such as Valtrex and Acyclovir. As for myself, I take the latter and it is not big deal. It is like taking my vitamins. I just go about my life and feel better than I am in control of my sexual health.

Let's be honest, you cannot say that about everyone of your sexual partners. If anyone tells you they have been tested, don't take their word and wait to have a specific blood test. That is the only true way you will ever know for sure.


04


I have many loved ones and met so many people around the world who also have HSV1 (81% of adults have it) and HSV2. It is more common that you think. Look around the room and play the 1-4 number game.

When I was first diagnosed with herpes, I felt like I was so alone and they only person in the world who was living with this virus. I couldn't be  more wrong. I have developed so many friendships with people all over the world who also have herpes. Many of which are some of the most wonderful people I have ever met in my life.

05

People still love me and have fallen in love with me despite being diagnosed with herpes. While herpes may be a deal breaker for some, but from my personal experiences, it isn't the most.

Many people embrace me, love me, respect me and know that this pesky cellular flaw does not eclipse my absolute badassness.

If you are reading this and just recently diagnosed with herpes, I want you to know that it gets easier. You are still a beautiful human being worthy of happiness and love. Don't waste your days living in isolation, fear and shame.

There is NOTHING wrong with you. Your life is not over, it has simply changed.

You are never alone and if you need someone to talk to about your journey, don't hesitate to email me directly at sweetcicilyhi@gmail.com or Sweet Cicily on Facebook I love connecting with readers and making new friends around the globe.

Hopefully, tonight's post will inspire some and offer laughter to others.

Have a wonderful week and looking forward to the next time we connect.

Love You, 

Sweet Cicily



Inside Amy Schumer - Herpes Scare

What Is In Your Makeup Bag?



"I believe all women are pretty without makeup, but with the right makeup can be pretty powerful."
-Bobbi Brown

Over the last week, my son has been over at his dad's house, which has given me extra time in the morning to get ready for myself. Usually, during the week, my household resembles a Daytona 500 pit crew, with me getting me and my son brushed, fed, clothed and bags packed, at break neck speeds, in order to make it to school on time. Since, I had all this time to get myself ready, I figured why not put myself together. 

Sadly, I don't dress up as much as I have in years past. With an even more hectic schedule, I have valued sleeping in more, rather than painting on my face. As much as I love my Ann Taylor inspired teacher look, I much rather throw on my Red Sox baseball cap, wear some my khaki J. Crew shorts and converse sneakers. As a special education teacher, who rarely leaves her classroom, dressing comfortable trumps dressing classy. 

However, this week has been an exception. I always laugh because some of my coworkers don't recognize me at first. Even a regular substitute in my classroom, mistook me for a new substitute on Tuesday. Not only do my colleagues take notice, but my students do as well. "Miss, you should wear contacts and your hair down more often." 

Aside from the compliments, I love the feeling you get when you put on makeup. Although, I rarely wear makeup, I am a makeup addict. When I walk through the beauty sections of department stores, I am seduced by the shimmery eyeshadow washes and glossiness of lipsticks. Our faces become canvases for the makeup artists, with the stroke of a brush and flawlessly applied colors.
Our beauty is enhanced, we become works of art. 

I wasn't always into makeup. Looking back, I never wore makeup in high school, except for a school dance or a drama production. Nor was I a fan of makeup in college. For the exception of my wedding day photographs, I don't ever remember wearing makeup during my marriage. You could forget me wearing makeup after I had the baby. Sleep deprivation, late night feedings and teaching full time, left me looking like the girl from THE RING. 

MOST of the time, I don't wear makeup. I like the natural look. However, sometimes we just want to play dress up, like when we were little girls. Makeup always puts a little pep in my step. When I wear makeup, I tend to amp up the rest of my outfit with a sassy dress and knock out heels. It is a Diva Dominoe Effect. 

After filing for divorce, I decided to give myself a beauty makeover, as I was going through a whole life makeover. Going through the pain of divorce is an ugly process, I needed to feel beautiful again. Why not start from the outside and work my way in during my healing process. 

Almost five years ago, I discovered an amazing makeup artist and I am a loyal Bobbi Brown cosmetics fan. Due to my combination skin, makeup never stayed on, within an hour my makeup would disapear. This all changed when I discovered Bobbi Brown products. I love her philosophy that we should accentuate our features. Makeup should be effortless, polished and flattering. 

As a busy single mom, I don't have an hour to spend applying my makeup. The BEAUTY of Bobbi Brown makeup, is that it takes me only 15 minutes tops,  to apply my makeup. Not only is the makeup flawless, makes me feel beautiful, but is low maintenance. Even greater, it stays on ALL day. I kid you not. While it is more expensive, in my humble opinion, it is money well spent. Plus, it lasts forever. 

Many family and friends compliment my makeup and often ask me what products I like to use. So, tonight, I am opening up my makeup bag. Here are the trusted products I live and love by. Granted, I do use other affordable drug store finds, these are my go to beauty finds. 

I always laugh when people ask me if I have a hot date when I am wearing makeup. Actually, the only dates I am going on lately are with my son and/or with myself. Sometimes we just want to feel a little extra pretty for the day.

What I also love about makeup is that there are more affordable options found at your local Walgreens or CVS! 

By figuring out what colors work out for you, with the help of a makeup artist at any department store, you can create your look, but a fraction of the cost.

Since I have become more budget minded, I have discovered comparable beauty products that costs a lot less.

What is in your makeup bags, ladies? Comment below and let me know what products you swear by! How does makeup make you feel?


No Makeup






Bobbi Brown SPF15 Tinted Moisturizer


Bobbi Brown Corrector 



Bobbi Brown Eyebrows




Bobbi Brown Pale Pink Blush




Bobbi Brown Shimmer Brick Compact Rose




Bobbi Brown Eyeshadow Cream Beach Honey


Bobbi Brown Shimmer Wash Eyeshadow Champagne


Bobbi Brown Gel Eyeliner



Bobbi Brown Lip Pencil Rose 




Bobbi Brown Lip Gloss Punch


Bobbi Brown Pressed Powder


Best Gift Ever From My Son's Step Mom
Bobbi Brown Bellini Lip and Eyeshadow Palette


CLICK HERE FOR BOBBI BROWN MAKEUP LESSONS 


Love Yourselves,

Sweet Cicily

Where Do You See Yourself in 5 Years?




Did you ever ask yourself what exactly is your life purpose? Digging even deeper, are you even close to fulfilling your life purpose? 

Last night, one of my girlfriends stopped by my house last night, to check in on me and say hello. I have always loved our conversations. Much like myself, she is also a single mother, shares a similar journey,  has big dreams and really challenges me to grow as a person. 

"Where do you see yourself in fives years? What will your life look like?" Her questions lingered in my thoughts. 

Honestly, I haven't been giving it much thought. Lately, I haven't been really thinking about my future because I am so consumed with the stress of my present. Stress being money. Aren't we all though? 

I have been losing sight of my life purpose because I am so worried about loans, rent, electric bills, student loans and how it is never ending. 

Most people don't talk about their finances, but I will be honest about it. Money is my only worry in life. I am wagering it is also a great burden for many of you reading this as well. 

What if money was no longer an issue, what dreams would I pursue? 

Although, I enjoy teaching special education, it really hasn't been my passion. I am very good at what I do, I love my students, but I don't see myself doing this for the rest of my life. Yet, it pays the bills and is an honest profession. 

Dreams don't pay the rent. A 9-5 puts a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. However, it doesn't mean I stop pursuing my dreams. However, I want to set myself up to be in a place in my life where I can make these dreams attainable. 

What I really want to do, doesn't pay all that much, unless you become wildly successful. My dreams are to write professionally, become a life coach and be a motivational speaker. I am just not there ...yet. 

I am still trying to connect the dots from where I am and where I see myself in the next few years. In the mean time, I am focusing on a part of my life that I neglected in the past.

It finally occurred to me that in five years, I want to be on a path to financial freedom. Not in a Tony Robins financial freedom way, but actually getting my sh*t together with sticking to a budget, eliminating my debt and saving for a future.

Being honest with my relationship with money is the first step in the right direction. Last week, I turned to my sister for guidance, because she is really great in this area and was finally honest with my family. 

I suck at handling money, I don't have a retirement savings anymore and I am tired of just getting by. I am not the only one out there who feels this way.

Granted, I try to be patient with the process and not beat myself over past mistakes. After all, I am only human, just trying to make the most of the cards I was handed.

I decided to take control of my finances, create a plan and work towards financial freedom. 

It occurred to me that my life purpose is not about making money, spending money and paying bills. Even though it sure as hell feels like it at times. I am just tired of being stressed out about it. 

Now I will face my financial fears in order to erase my financial fears.

By becoming financially free and building a healthy relationship with my money, I can freely pursue my dreams and not feel so limited in pursuing my hearts desires (i.e. traveling anywhere in the world, not living paycheck to paycheck, always having enough money to basically do whatever I want and being able to give to others).

I decided to write this post because I want others out there reading this to know you are not alone in your struggles. 

Listen, we all f*ck up in life. I will be the first to admit this and I am courageous enough to say out loud what so many people are actually thinking. Usually, that is what most people write to me and thank me for in their private emails. 

We all make mistakes, but we all have the opportunity to learn from them to change our lives for the better. 

Now where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?


Love, 

Sweet Cicily














5 Lessons I Have Learned After 2 Years of CrossFit


"Stop beating yourself up! You are a work in progress, which means you get there a little at a time, not all at once.” 

Over the last two months, I have been volunteering at my local CrossFit box on Saturday mornings. Aside from spending time with my friends, I have the opportunity to meet many new faces during the weekend Introduction classes. 

It is hard to believe it has been over two years since I first entered CrossFit Kailua's box at the very same Introduction class. Completely clueless to the world of CrossFit and utterly scared out of my mind. 
I didn't know the difference between a burpee or a box jump. I just wanted to make it out alive.

What the hell did I get myself into?

I can see it in their eyes. I know exactly what they are thinking.
"You will be totally addicted and love it once you start," is what I tell the prospective members.
 
As I watch them do their first WOD (Workout of the Day) with our head coach, I cannot help but smile to myself. Little do they know how CrossFit will transform their lives.
Over the past few years, I have learned so many wonderful lessons during my journey into CrossFit. For those of you just starting out or curious about this sport, here are a few insider tips from a former CrossFit rookie:


1.  Consistency Is Key -

If you want to be successful at anything in life, it is important that you are consistent in your actions. Truth be told, it wasn't until the last 6 months that I actually took CrossFit seriously.

When I first started out, I was only going to classes 8 times a month, at the very most. Although that is more than I have ever worked out in my life, it wasn't enough to make real gains and  work on my fitness goals. 

I wasn't getting any better because I wasn't giving myself  adequate time to work on my strength and skills. I finally decided if I was going to return to CrossFit, I was going all in. 

No more excuses (i.e. being a single mom, work, money, etc.). I was going to make working out a priority.

Every night, I lay out my workout clothes and personal CrossFit WOD journal on the kitchen counter, reminding myself of my fitness goals. 

Unless I am sick, like I am right now, I go to CrossFit 5 days a week. Eventually, it becomes routine and you don't feel like yourself if you miss a workout. 

Over the past few months, I have made tremendous gains in various areas and I owe this to being consistent in my workouts.

Just Do It

A Failure To Plan Is Plan For Failure

Logging Your WOD Keeps You Accountable and Motivated



2.  Nutrition Is Everything -

It wasn't till I was introduced to eating clean and/or cooking Paleo, did I understand the impact nutrition has on your fitness and/or weight loss goals. 

No matter how hard you work out or how much you work out, if you are constantly feeding your body junk food, you will get no where. Eventually, you will feel like junk and be tempted to give up.

By embracing a more plant based diet, eating leaner meats, cutting out sugar and eliminating dairy, my body is rewarding me with more energy, clearer skin and muscles that have become a fat burning incinerator. 

Losing weight and/or getting in optimal fitness shape is 80% nutrition and 20% working out. You can still eat as much as you want, but it is important to educate what foods will you benefit from the most.

Start learning to prepare healthy meals ahead of time, so you are less likely to give in and smash your face in a donuts at work.

You truly are what you eat.






CrossFit + Clean Eating = Strong


3.  Don't Be Afraid To Ask For Help

One of the greatest aspects of CrossFit is the supportive community. At some point, we all were new to CrossFit and had no idea what we were doing. Put your ego aside and don't be afraid to ask people for help. 

I ALWAYS ask people for help now. Whether it is from one of my coaches or other members at CrossFit. 

Just minutes prior to my very first CrossFit Open in 2014, I asked one of the more advanced women to show me how to do a double under. With Jenna's tips, I was able to get 30 double unders in my first competition.

She isn't the only person that I have turned to guidance and support. We can all learn from each other. All you have to do is ask.





4.  You Aren't Competing in the CrossFit Games, There is No Shame in Scaling the WOD

Let's be honest, I am not the most athletic person in the world. Usually, I am one of the last to finish a 800m run and I scale absolutely everything. Resistance bands are my friends. I don't need to Rx a movement in order to get stronger. 


 Scaled Open

When I first saw a HSPU (handstand push up), I thought my coach was out of his damn mind. Don't worry, no one expects you to be a beast when you first start out CrossFitting. Just do what you can and eventually you will get up there. 

After all, much like Rome, muscle ups were not built in a day. It takes time. Be patient with the process and ask your coach for the scaled options. 

Unless you are planning to participate at the CrossFit Games with Rich Froning, then know there is no shame in scaling the WOD.





 Progress

5.  Fitness Can Be Fun

Finally, it's time to re frame how we perceive working out.  It doesn't have to be a chore, but can be a really fun part of your life. 

Not only are the workouts varied, so you never get bored, but it is a great time to spend with your friends.

After commiserating over a really tough WOD, it's a perfect time to laugh, grab a beer and develop friendships.

If you are anything like me, you might be intimidated by all the other CrossFitters and feel as if you don't belong. Don't be. They were just like you once. 

A wise man once said, "Stop beating yourself up! You are a work in progress, which means you get there a little at a time, not all at once."









Love You,

Sweet Cicily


Why I Decided To Try TINDER




“...sometimes I get tired. Sometimes I get bored. And sometimes all I want, more than anything else in the world, is to go on a freaking date.”


After some deep soul searching today, I realized I need to start simplifying my life and put an end to overextending myself.

Seriously, I am feeling anxious, overwhelmed and ready to make my life much easier. Truth be told, all I want to do is blog, CrossFit and be an awesome mom to Jack.

While I love my students, I am not sure I still have a passion for teaching. Now, I have spent all this time and a fortune on degrees, which I really don't want to use anymore.

Goodbye graduate school.

For now, I just need to take a deep breathe, count to ten and remain calm. Ain't none of this going to kill me, it is all temporarily stressful. 

Since blogging makes me happy, let me blog away about a new adventure I had just this week.

Believe it or not, but my 5 month MANBATTICAL came to a close. Yours truly to decided to go on a first date after 9 months out of the dating scene.

Recently, one of my Twitter followers, suggested that I try the iPhone dating application TINDER.

Honestly, I had never heard of Tinder, but figured why not give it a try. Turns out, it is the latest and most popular way to find dates. Even the athletes at the Olympic Village, are using Tinder to get together. 

I asked how my date found out about TINDER and he said it was all over the news. See what the Singles in Sochi... did to pass the time, between winning gold medals. 

With anything, I am always open to trying new experiences. At minimum, it was blog worthy, I can meet new people and practice my flirting. 


#tinder

It feels like a billion years since I have been on a first date. Figuring it wouldn't hurt to get my feet wet and take a dip in the dating pool again. I have tried EVERYTHING to meet new men, from Match.com, eHarmony, OKCupid, singles mixers, friends setting me up, etc. 

Here is my take on TINDER. It is ahhhhhrrriiiggghhhhtttt... Basically, it is a user friendly dating application, that is a grown up version of "Hot or Not". Your TINDER profile is linked to your Facebook, which allows you to use profile photographs, compare your LIKE interests and see if you have friends in common. 

No long biographies, which I am positive, NO ONE reads these days. Seriously, my male friends say they NEVER EVER EVER read the profiles. All you need is your photos, gender preference, age range and search distance. After that, all you have to do is swipe left for "NOPE" or Right for "LIKE", of the suitors in your search and local radius.


If who you like, likes you back, you then have a "match". No more getting unsolicited emails from weirdos, you would never go out with. Tinder cuts to the chase. From then on, within the application, you have the opportunity to "text" each other and begin communication. 

I LOVE this feature! No need to share your phone number (just yet), it is already assumed there is mutual interest and you can go from there. Whether it is chatting for awhile or going on a date. From my experience, I do not care for long and drawn out communication. Get right to the date, where you can gauge chemistry and compatibility. 

Well, after talking to a fella on TINDER, we decided to meet up for a casual dinner, at one of my favorite local restaurants. I am pretty sure everyone else goes to Formaggios for first dates. I have been so many times I should have my own table and plaque.

Of course I prayed to the baby Jesus that he wasn't a serial killer.


Before I went, I decided to read my new book "Crap Dates" to sike myself up, at least it won't be as bad as the dates in the book. OMG. You have to buy this book, I was laughing out loud, in public, after reading all these terrible date tweets. 

I was dreading jumping back in, but I decided to just get over my issues. It is not marriage, it is just dinner. So, I put on a cute dress, a little lip gloss and headed out for my first date after my long manbattical. Turns out, I am AWESOME at dating. HAHA. 

All you have to do is be yourself, smile, relax, listen and ask questions. Pretty simple. We had a great conversation, share over a great bottle of wine and a wonderful meal. 

He was very handsome, incredibly intelligent and was funny, I knew instinctively, he wasn't for me. You just know instinctively, whether you feel it or not. 

Aside him making fun of my CrossFitting, counting him utter "bitch" 9 times and staring at my boobs 3 times, it was a nice transition back into the world of dating. I was absolutely reluctant going back to digital dating, as I wanted to avoid a depressing string of  douche bags, as I have experienced in years past. However, I know I needed to change my mindset and be more positive. 

As with any kind of dating, a smart girl should use technology to her advantage, to be safe and protect herself. Diamonds are not a girl's best friend, GOOGLE is your best friend my darlings. Be proactive with your dating life! I know are bound to look me up on the internet, guess what, I am going to do this too. 

Case in point, a TINDER candidate, happened to share mutual friends with me on Facebook, according to our TINDER match. All I had to do, was cross reference this on Facebook, find his name, know what he does for a living, Google that shiiiaaate and BAM...find out he is a married man with a beautiful wife and baby girl. 

Immediately, I blocked him on TINDER. Makes me sad for his wife and child, as I know what it is like to be in her shoes. Why do married men think it is perfectly fine to troll dating websites? Just be aware that there are married people, online or offline, out there. 

Are there bad guys out there? YES. Are there good guys out there too? YES. You just have to play it smart, keep your radar up and wish for the best. 

Are you going to find Mr. Right on TINDER. Hell, I don't know, but you truly never know where you will meet your next love. He may be the cute guy at CrossFit, the fella next to you in the beer aisle at Whole Foods, your friend at work or your next online match. 

My word of advice, would be not to take it too seriously, have a little fun and be open to meeting new people in a variety of settings. Just get out there! 

When was your last first date?

What do you wear on a first date?

What was your worst first date?

Love,
Sweet Cicily

What I Have Learned About Dating After Divorce


"A girl who would fall in love so easily or want a man to love her so easily would probably get over it just as quickly, very little the worse the wear.  On the contrary, a girl who would take love seriously would probably be a good while finding herself in love and would require something beyond mere friendly attentions from a man before she would think of him in that light."
-L.M. Montgomery

Ever since, I was a young girl, I have loved reading, poetry and quotes. I would bury my face in a book during lunch and lose my myself in prose. Last night, I found the above mentioned quote, from L.M. Montgomery. It tells of a woman who falls in love so easily. It also paints a picture of a woman who takes love so seriously, that she requires something beyond mere friendly attentions from men, before she even considers them in this light. 

After taking time to let the words fully sink in, it dawned on me, that I have spent most of my life the former and recently feeling myself transform into the latter. Purposely, spending time on my own, has allowed me to reflect on my actions, choices and how I view the real meaning of love. 

My Papa always said that hindsight is 20/20. I wish I knew then what I know now. I had zero business looking for love, when I was separated and then divorced. All I was doing, was masking my pain, with the thrill of a new romance. Not giving myself breathing room to allow the healing process to begin. 

Writing is therapeutic for me. I have come to realize, it has served as a valuable source of healing, after the loss of my marriage. When I see it on "paper", it is easier for me to sort through my feelings, thoughts and has made room for me to grow. 

L.M. Montgomery's quote struck a chord in my heart, because I can see both of those women in myself. Love is a subject, that I not only think about, but spend a great deal of time writing about. I have spent the past six years either chasing love with a vengeance or running for the hills from it. 

I think this is a very important conversation to have amongst men and women going through or have gone through a divorce. I am just going to say it, it will probably strike a nerve in some readers. You might tell me I am wrong and I have no idea what I am talking about, but deep down, you know I am right.  You just don't want to hear it. You just are not ready to admit it. 

No matter what the state of your marriage ended in, your heart is broken, your head is a mess, your trust may have been been shattered and you are in a vulnerable state. Who wouldn't be tempted by the prospect of a new love, to help us forget our insecurities, pain or worries? Who doesn't want to feel desired? 

Fools do rush in. I was a fool too... Let me introduce you to Mr. Sexy Marine. 

When I first filed for divorce, I dived right into my first rebound relationship. Mind you, I had spent my entire dating life with ONE man only, this being my ex-husband. I take that back, TWO if you include the Mr. Harvard, when I was attending university in Boston, during a short break up with my ex in college.

Dammit. Why did I have to be such a "good girl" back then? All those boys attending school in Boston. Why didn't I date more and sow my oats when I had the chance?! 

When, I entered the dating world, as a 32 year old woman, I had been out of the scene since my mid-twenties, when I had gotten married. I had no idea what I was in for. Dating is so different from when I was in my teens. Now I had to deal with texts, coffee dates, writing a perfect profile, the "third date" rule, safe sex, rejection, etc. 

As soon as I got into it, I got right out of it. I was relationship hopping without even realizing it. I went from a marriage to my first relationship. Even my close girlfriend, was concerned that it was too early for me to date. Why couldn't they see I was happy? NOW...I get it. 

In my head, I thought I was good to go. F#@k my EX for hurting me. I will go find love elsewhere. What the hell was I even thinking? I wasn't. Hurt and hormones are a deadly combination. 

We met on Match.com a month after I decided to end my marriage. He was a slightly older single dad, a perfect blend of compassionate and white hot passionate, he was more "experienced" AHEM and ignited a flame in my heart again.

He romanced me the good ole fashioned way. He is the ONLY man to ever send me roses to work and he had the body of a Greek God. Hands down the best LOVING of my life. God Bless the Marines! Sigh....

Mr. Sexy Marine was the shot in the arm, I thought would cure my loss over my divorce. I was wrong. As the months passed, I realized neither one of us was ready for a serious relationship. 

I soon learned, I was not the only one carrying with me hurt and issues involving trust. We both had partners who were unfaithful. Despite what anyone may say, this pain runs deep, never leaving you. Having the long term effects, even when we wish it was not the case.

Infidelity changed my outlook on love and marriage. As much as I want to believe in both, I still share my challenges with allowing love into my life. 

How could I ever expect for it to work out, seriously, who ends up with their rebound guy? Well, it didn't. While we remain in contact from time to time, it just was not meant to be. No matter what, I am thankful for our brief time together, our chats over the years and having someone understand exactly how I was feeling (i.e. I never want to get married again, sometimes I run away when I get too close, etc.)

What is random. Actually after writing this, his ears must have been ringing, because he contacted me after months since we have seen each other. I wish him well. I hope he finds love too. 

After this relationship ended, I hopped onto my next boyfriend two months later. Again, I was clearly not thinking rationally. My heart was running wild without a leash.

This is when Mr. Separated entered my life.

Now, this is where Cicily fell in love quickly (I didn't actually say it for 6 months), or at least I thought I was falling in love. Again, two broken hearts from broken marriages, both carrying lots of emotional baggage. Not a good idea.

Dating someone who is separated is a TERRIBLE idea. I am sure I will get a few comments, such as, "I dated a man who was separated and we ended up married" or "You are wrong. We are so in love." Great for you. You are the exception and not the rule. Separated folks need to cut ties with their past, before building a future with you. 

Ain't nothing more annoying than hearing your boyfriend talk about his WIFE. At first, I was open and it didn't bother me, but by 12 months, with no divorce in sight, it gets grating on the nerves. You cannot move on, if your past is still present.

A year and a half later...yeah...you know how that ended. Not very well. After two consecutive relationships with men, blaming their commitment issues, on their ex wives, it gets old. You start to realize, whether separated or divorced, both parties need to examine their heads and hearts first, before jumping into another relationship. Both men and women are capable of relationship hopping, in order to fill a void, even if this is not their intentions. 

Anyone can say "I love you". I am guilty of this as well. However, I am starting to reevaluate why I say it, when I say it and do I even really mean it. 

Even in my last relationship, many years ago, he was SOOOOO quick to say "I love you" when I barely even knew him. Inside I was freaking out. When I caught the wedding bouquet and his family teased me that we were next, I freaked out even more.

Why was he rushing love? Marriage? Although, I said it back, because I thought that is what you say back to the nice guy, who treats you greater than any guy ever did, I didn't feel it. I wasn't in love. 

I soon learned why he was rushing and acting so weird. Two words. Chemical. Imbalance. Fuck. Not. Again. Remember what I said about quick to say I love you, then quick to move on. Well, Mr. RushMeMcGee, did just that. I had to end it.

I am very leery of people who rush into love or into marriage. I wonder what their motive might be. That is why I warn my newly divorced girlfriends, to be cautious when entering the dating world. If a man is talking marriage in the first two months, run, run, run, run, run. HELLO, give yourself time between marriages. Let the ink dry on the divorce decrees, ladies and gentlemen.

MOST, importantly, get your SHIT together, before you move forward together.

If he is still hung up on the ex, sweet heart, you ain't gonna change that. Maybe therapy and time will be the remedy.
I do not care if you BOTH had the most civil, uncomplicated divorces, no one is ready to remarry in a few months of meeting each other. Especially, in your early years of divorce. It is like two crazy roller coaster rides, for the price of one. You can agree to disagree. I am just speaking from my six years of dating after divorce. 

Call me cautious. I don't see what is wrong with finding yourself in love with yourself first. Learning these hard lessons, has allowed me to take love seriously, not infatuation, but love more seriously. It will actually mean something when I decide to say it again. Now it will take more than the friendly attention of a man, before I think of him in this light. 

Does it get lonely, trying the latter? YES. I have my moments of longing for companionship. However, I am very serious this time about love.

It is funny, how the Universe tests you, while you are on a mission. Ever since, I made my proclamation, I cannot tell you how many men of my past, have contacted me. I have turned down ever single one of them. I know I am changing. I am know I am growing up. I know I am ready for the real thing...not just a play thing. 

All I can suggest, is learn to love yourself again, without the distraction of men or women, during your healing process. Don't worry, in due time, the sun will shine again and it will be your time to bloom in love.

What do you think of people who say I love you very early on in a relationship?
Did you have a rebound?


Love,
Sweet Cicily