I have BIG NEWS my wonderful friends! I have been published on the popular website The Elephant Journal today. I am excited to share my story What We Can Learn From Missed Connectionson their online magazine. I would be so grateful if you would take a moment to CLICK on the link and share the article on your social media. Have an amazing day! Love Yourselves, Sweet Cicily
Did you ever wish there way to see how
other women or men have rated your date? Wouldn't it would wonderful if
there was a YELP equivalent for your love life? If we want to go to a
new restaurant in town, we look at the online reviews. Traveling
overseas soon? Why not see what other guests on Trip Advisor have to
say about the
hotel you are considering booking?
Maybe you would save wasted time on the jerks, douche bags and players, if you reviewed what others had to say about him/her.
Always interested in the latest dating
applications (i.e. Tinder, OKCupid, etc.), I came across an application
created by women for women called LuLu, that allows women to rate men they have dated or guy friends, who have chosen to be on the dating application.
Men who want to be discovered can be
discovered by millions of women, allowing them to get feedback about
relationships and sex.
Aside from a rating scale, measuring
first kiss, sex, ambition, commitment, style & looks and humor,
women can choose from set clever hashtags to describe their dates or
create their own.
Not that I would ever use this
application, but I will have to admit it is rather entertaining. Reading
the hashtags make me laugh. Listen, we know when girlfriends get
together, we like to talk about men. We talk about EVERYTHING! The LuLu
dating application, takes the power of girl talk and brings it into the
online world. Truth be told, I did take a gander at it
and saw a few men I know in my area who were already rated on this
dating application. I found some very interesting information, both good
Before anyone complains that this is a
terrible idea and how would I feel if men would had an application like
this, remember that men have to consent participating in this dating
Honestly, I have reached over 50
first dates and would have found this very helpful with some of the men I
have dated. Seriously, I would have saved myself from disappointment by
men who hid serious issues, heartbreak and outright douchebaggery.
After asking friends on Facebook, how
would you describe your last date in a hashtag, here is what my
wonderful female and male friends shared:
"I thought I'd found the perfect guy; what the hell happened?"
Last night I cried. It's been years since I cried
over something as silly as a boy.
Over the years, I have developed a thick
skin when it comes to dating. Having gone on countless dates, I have
familiarized myself with the game, players and rules. I am no rookie.
I suppose this is why I was surprised I was left
feeling frustrated and sad. Why did he disappear?
Here we go again. Another man I have dated
completely gone ghost.
After a month of fun dates, connecting and getting to
know this person, all the communication came to a sudden halt.
No more daily phone calls. No more text messages
with smiley faces. Just crickets and me wondering what the hell happened?
Where was the man who was praying next to me in
church, telling me he thought I was such an “incredible” woman?
Where was the man who sat on my couch and told me
that he thanked “the Good Lord” for his mercy in bringing us together?
Where was the man who reached out to hold my hand, reassuring me that he didn't care I had herpes and still wanted to get to know me?
Where was this man who openly asked to be on my social media, despite my reservations of sharing that private part of me?
Where was the man who was always reading my blogs and sharing my blogs with all his loved ones?
Where was the man who asked me to join him on a weekend trip to the Big Island?
Where was the man who insisted I meet his friends and family on his birthday just last week? "They will love you! Are you coming out?"
What the f*ck happened? Why did he suddenly disappear and leave me wondering what went wrong?
Six dates. Not a word.
Now I am completely mystified, frustrated, pissed and sad.
Wasn't he just telling me how much he missed me? Waiting to see me again. Charming me. Sweet talking me. Convincing he was a man of God, trustworthy and might actually be a "good man".
Did this compassionate man get abducted by aliens? Get lost in a jungle? Laying in a hospital bed with a case of amnesia?
I will never know because he chose to vanish into thin air like a ghost. Instead of being honest with how he was feeling, he just decided to treat me as if I no longer exist. Ghosting is the shittiest form of "breaking up" with someone.
I didn't expect him to be a jerk like all the rest. I thought he was different. I was wrong.
Having the "I don't feel the same way" talk isn't exactly comfortable, but at least I have the balls enough to say it. For a brief moment, I thought maybe he might be the GODly and GOOD man I have praying for over the last few years. I watched how he was with the people he loved, I believed all the beautiful words he shared with me and I was slowly starting to open myself up to the possibility of something really great.
All this time he was pushing me to open up and the moment I did he bailed.
I should have known better. Anytime anyone comes on strong, I know it doesn't last very long.
I am sure I am not the first and I know I won't be the last woman he does this to.
Maybe he got cold feet? Maybe he changed his mind about my herpes? Maybe he found someone else? Maybe he doesn't know what he wants?
All of this would have been fine, but couldn't he have at least the courage and integrity to be honest? Confronting me with his feelings would have been too hard, because that involves honesty and courage. His actions have shown he has lacks both traits I find desirable in a life partner. What I soon discovered was man who was indecisive, selfish, dishonest and cowardly. Although, I respect that he showed me his true colors early on, I am disappointed he wasn't capable of just being a strong and honest man. I don't waste my time with men who don't appreciate or understand the value of a good woman.
You will never see me waiting for a man to change his mind. Countless times, men have ghosted me, only to return to realize the grass was greener on the other side. Juggling women gets old, playing the field isn't all that it is cracked up to be and not all women will stick around until you get your shit together. Trust me. I know I will be getting the "I was sorry", "I freaked out" and "I was so wrong". It happens every time, except I am wise enough to know that is not a man I want to share my life with. I won't lie. It really hurt knowing that he decided to pull a slow fade on me, especially convincing me that he could trust him. Here was with this man who loves Jesus and accepted me being open about having herpes. Finally, it was going to happen for me. My frozen heart was melting.
Was I thinking marriage? No. Was I thinking relationship? No. But, I was excited to meet a man who made me laugh till my cheeks hurt and share so much in common with me. As I cried, I asked God why would he send such a hurtful and deceitful person? Why did he have to throw God into the mix? Was he a good Christian after all? Why was I a foolish to believe he would actually consider my feelings, instead of trolling Plenty of Fish for his next catch? Dating today can be incredibly frustrating, especially with online dating providing endless options. As I have said it in the past, we treat people like our iPhones. Always waiting for the newest version and never satisfied with what we already have. It's really sad that most people have lost common decency and their humanity. We have created a generation of assholes, who view relationships as disposable. Just swipe right or send a cyber wink, now you have endless options. I refuse to be an option, I want to be a priority. Am I angry? Yes. I'd be lying. Am I hurt? Yes, but momentarily. I have nothing more to say to this man. I don't need to confront him, as it would be a waste of my breathe and time. He said to me once, "You have a heart of fucking gold!" I won't argue that. I do have a heart of gold and I will save it for someone who understand just how valuable this is and how rare it is to find in a woman. Good luck finding that in your searches. If someone you date decides to ghost you, be grateful they showed you just how indecisive, inconsiderate and flaky they are up front. You will never have a healthy relationship with someone who avoids communication, connection or conflict. If they run away now, they will run away from you later. Most importantly, don't allow your negative experience to prevent you finding the love you deserve. It's challenging for me to not become bitter after countless encounters such as this. However, I refuse to allow hatred consume my heart. After spending much time with talking with God, I decided to pray for his soul. Just because he acted like a jerk doesn't mean I have to be one as well. I pray that whatever he is struggling with in his life, that he finds clarity and closure. Maybe he is broken and lost. Maybe he has years ahead of him of growth. Maybe one day he will understand that this is not how you treat a good woman. Maybe he will learn to love himself, in order to learn how to properly love others. Despite the outcome, I am grateful God brought him into my life but for a brief flash. Every experience has a lesson that can be found inside it.
I'll never forget how he held my hand and reassured me that despite my herpes disclosure, he thought I was incredible and a really good woman. No man has ever said that to me. I'm also grateful for laughing and smiling more than I had in years. It wasn't a total loss. Life moves on ....
You might not believe me, but at the core of me is an introvert. Despite being very outgoing, social and extroverted, I crave the solitude of escaping into myself.
Most of my life, I would have considered myself an introvert, but have evolved into a bold extrovert over the past few years.
Yet, I have my moments where I vacillate between the two worlds.
Just this week, several of my loved ones, including my sister who lives thousands of miles away, noticed that I have been very quiet the past few days.
My concerned sister messaged me, "Are you OK?"
Noticing my silence on social media, she had wondered if anything had happened to me. Nothing out of the norm, but just me taking time out for myself to decompress and recenter.
Sometimes I just want to shut the f*ck up, not tweet, forget Facebook, turn off my smart phone and read a book while sipping mint tea.
Quieting my world allows me to quiet my mind.
At times, life can be overwhelming with responsibilities, work can be demanding and I just need a time out from the outside world.
Sometimes people take this personally or the wrong way; when in fact it has nothing to do with them.
At the center of Cicily, there is still the shy, quiet girl who just wants to observe from a distance.
With it being the end of the school year, I recognize that I am completely burnt out from teaching. It has probably been my most challenging time in my career, in all of the twelve years I have taught special education.
Summer couldn't arrive any sooner.
I desperately need a break or I will go absolutely mad. I have mentally checked out of school, weeks before the release bell has gone off.
Outside of school, I have decided to slow down as well. Whether it is with my writings, my social life or dating life; it feels good to take a pause.
When I find myself feeling this way, I make sure I am taking care of my needs first. For as long as I remember, I have always gone into this cocoon. Quietly regrouping, gathering my thoughts, resting and emerging when I am ready to spread my wings to fly out into the world again.
Never do I want my loved ones to feel as if I am shutting them out, but taking much needed time out for myself.
I have always been this way and I will always be this way.
Nothing too profound about tonight's post, except that maybe I have given you a little more insight into my world.
My name is Cicily and welcome to my random world.
I hope you enjoy my adventures of life after divorce through traveling, single parenthood, dating, faith, fitness, love and embracing every moment.
Watch me create my own Happily Ever After ....